The Lessons Just Keep Coming

byKimRenee

278 followers

4 years ago

Grieving the past.

I miss my family and friends back home.

I miss the bliss of being unaware of what I know now.

I try to understand all of these changes by questioning what I see and feel.

I receive anger and judgment.

I do understand that it’s not me they’re upset or angry with, but they don’t.

They are just as unsettled as me.

I wish things were again without so much confusion and anxiety but I cannot unsee what I see. I cannot unlearn what I have learned.

I was called to lead my own life far from what I once knew.

My journey has been amazing and I have grown immensely so far.

But it has also had its challenges and obstacles. This is one of the hardest.

I am beginning to understand that this is part of letting go of the old me. I have spent the last 2 years letting go of material stuff and now I am releasing actual people. I didn’t anticipate all of the people that would have to leave my life. I now thank and release them.

In order for me to honor who I am and grow, I have to be open about who I am. As I have done that, it is as I feared: there are people who are not able to accept me this way.

Let this be my prayer to them and to the past I mourn.

*****

To them:

I miss being able to get on FB and feeling happy to watch what we’re all doing,

Eager to share moments in my life with you.

At times, to share my feelings, good and bad

When I was going through rough times, it really helped to reach out and connect

It kept me alive some days,

Lessons can be difficult and having someone to help carry the load is priceless

Thank you.

I miss the days when opening up FB didn’t fill me with anxiety over what someone may have, or have not, said about something I posted.

I miss my friends from California, my acting classes and performances, my family

I miss the days when every single conversation wasn’t about fear, illness and lockdowns

Slowly, our ability to communicate and connect is being taken from us,

Either literally or just by manipulation

My life took me down a path and on that path I learned

Things that I cannot unlearn

I see things that I cannot unsee

I have never claimed to be perfect, I am truly far from that

But

I love humanity

I love my people

I am grateful to be born in such a great country

I love my connection to Source/God/Universe

These are things I am proud of and the things that keep me grounded in gratitude and joy.

Just like all of you, I am also learning some tough lessons about myself and about the world around us.

It is my love for all of those things I mentioned, that motivates me to share what I do.

My presentation may not appear that way

It may need some work

We are in a time of what is being called

Awakening, Separation, Ascension

I have known this for many years, as I am realizing

During this time, I have lost and will lose many of you as friends and even lose family

These losses will be for various reasons: transition, anger, inability to forgive…

At one time, I was terrified of this. And that fear kept me from saying what I wanted to say,

Being who I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do

When my life shifted, it was because it had to

I was not living my truth and eventually, my life collapsed

I have been gossiped about, judged, disapproved of, ridiculed, and mistreated over my mistakes, as if making mistakes is something to be ashamed of.

I will continue to make mistakes, as I am putting myself out there and attempting to learn

As I learn things that help, I share

I share because I wish others had shared with me

I share because sharing with me may have helped what I was going through

I have no ill intentions

There are times when ego has clouded my judgement and influenced my presentation

And for that, I am sorry

Let me reiterate

Slowly, our ability to communicate and connect is being taken from us,

Either literally or just by manipulation

It takes many forms

The only way for us to stay united is to hold onto each other

If you choose to separate, I will miss you