Caring for a Loved One
What Does Caring for a Loved One entail?
For me, Yesterday, it entailed taking my parents to Waco, Texas so my father could keep his appointment with his Oncologist. Nothing to it but a long drive. This was my second time driving there, and I was having to rely on my parents to tell me how to get there as we are driving there. A bit nerve-wracking.
The visit went fine. Dad's Bloodwork was all good and he is still in remission. All Good News.
The ChallengeThis happened at Walmart. First I had to go get a Scooter for Dad, We have one for Mom, and get them inside. Then having to figure out what each one of them wants to get and make it happen in a way that doesn't keep us there longer than we need to be. You see, even though Dad is good about giving me a list of things to do or get, it does not always happen.
Whereas, Mom doesn't do lists very well. When I asked her if she wanted to make a list of the stuff she wanted to get she said no, and she couldn't explain what she wanted. So when we, got what I did know about what she wanted, she asked me what else we were supposed to get. I had to tell her I had no idea.
You see, Mom's memory is failing and I am very worried that she is slipping into Dementia as her oldest brother has. She won't remember things people say to her a few minutes ago, she will misremember things said, she thinks she knows what is being said or what is going on or is happening, and is wrong on some level. And she gets upset because when we try to help her understand what is what, she thinks we are wrong in our positions and she is right. Luckily, this does not happen all of the time.
MyselfSo, here we are in Walmart, Mom and Dad got the stuff for the Christmas party while I went back out to the van to get Mom's sweater. Then Dad is trying to go get the things he wants, but he is not sticking to the main lanes of the store and I am afraid he will get too frustrated because he can't see where he is going very well. Mom is trying to go look at clothes in an unfamiliar store. And I am trying to keep them together.
Am I whining here? Am I looking for pity? Or sympathy, or whatever?
Maybe I am, on some level. I am not sure.
The IntentThe intent of this post is:
1- To help me figure out how to write it for my website,
2- To let others know of some possible troubles they might have depending on their loved ones' mental/physical health issues,
3- To ask for feedback so that this and future articles can be the most concise, complete, and helpful they can be.
Please any and all comments are welcome. Thank You. Blessed Be.
Recent Comments
34
Taking care of our elderly parents is such an admirable thing especially in this country. As most would just send them to a facility.
Allow me to give you some advice to help you with both of them.
1) Make a list of all their medications separately, Always keep a copy in a purse that you use to bring along with you when they go for their doctors appointment.
>>Know purpose of each medication and its side effects
>>Know the schedule when it needs to be taken
2) Keep a schedule of their MD appointments/blood works/diagnostic tests
3) If they have a case manager, verify their eligibility with Medicare/Medicaid.
4) Check if they qualify for home care. A helping hand will not be so stressful for you.
5) Some medical supplies are covered by Medicare/Medicaid. Determine what your parents need. I think wheelchair is covered.
Make sure that your bathroom has a bathroom chair for shower that they can use
6)Do they get physical therapy?
Should you have any other questions, you can PM me.
Have a great weekend.
Cheers,
🎄Maria
Thank You, Maria. This is information I have not had but am learning. :) It is much appreciated.
1)We do have their medications listed out for doctor visits, but I could do a more detailed one for my information.
2)We do keep a schedule of all of those items.
3)They don't have a case manager, but dad has everything set in place.
4)They don't qualify for home health care as far as I have been able to find out, because they have too much money in savings and other stuff. Thanks to my dad. :)
5)They both have walkers, dad has a wheelchair for around the house, and mom has an electric scooter for when she goes out. We aren't able to get one for dad right now and don't have a van able to handle 2 scooters yet.
6)They don't get physical Therapy anymore. I used to be a massage therapist (many years ago) so I cover that base.
Thank You. I will remember to call on you if something comes up.
One question though, Would you mind if I turned this into a post for my Caring for Mom and Dad website?
JD 🤗
No, go ahead. If it can help, why not.
Do one thing for your sanity, get a helper. Not necessarily a home health aide, but someone that can help you with the cares. If your dad had save enough, used it for their care, so you don’t get burned out!
Your parents will benefit more, and so would you.
Also, please know your parents medications, the side effects , what to watch for and their interactions with each other. Some doctors would not be able to catch up with what your parents may be taking, , and unknowingly prescribed something that can counteract the effect/s of other medications.
Take care JD! Let me know if you need anything!
Cheers,
🎄Maria
Hi JD, I hope all is well with you. I'm sorry that your mom has to go through this.
Take care,
Myra
You have the patience of a lion, JD! We all have to deal with issues such as these. It is part of our duty! My mom when she calls repeatedly regales me with everthing she just told me two times over the past days. We must remember though, that, we too might experience these same issues, my friend!
Jeff
See more comments
Hi JD, I understand what you are going through. I took care of my in-laws until they both died. What I did was I wrote down everything so neither one of them had to do it. I pretty much knew what to get and my mom mostly did everything over the phone so that was easy. With my dad was easy because he would tell my husband John what to get so that took care of that. And I wrapped all the gifts.
Yes I did know what I was getting, but I acted surprise so that no one had hurt feelings. And then I would do all the house cleaning, food shopping, cooking, laundry. I took care of everything while my husband was on active duty and then when he retired he helped out then.
My best of advice I can give you is when you mother thinks of something you write it down for her and you are making the list for her. And as for your dad I would be careful with him and the scooter I would just go to the store for them and that way you don't have to worry about getting them in and out of the car and trying to keep track of both of them. It maybe a little easier on you or if you could get some help to that could stay with your parents at the house while you go do the shopping.
I don't know if any of this will help you. I am just giving suggestion I hope that something I said would help you out.
Mary
Thank You, Mary. All of this is good and helpful information. I do try to be careful with both of them. But there are times they feel they have to do something (like my mom having to go to Walmart. Part of this was because she had not gone anywhere like a store in a long time. And my dad is used to being in charge and there are times he just can't go of the control. But we will make it. :) Thank You again, Mary. Blessed Be.
Hi JD, You are so welcome it was my pleasure. I just know how I did it and it was by the grace of God. I leaned a lot on my faith in God that was the biggest thing.
I am glad that I was help to you. I gave you some ideas that may help you out.
Mary :))
:)
Hi JD, :))
Hello, Mary. :)
Hi JD, :))
Mary
Hi,
Mary. :) Happy Holidays. :)
JD
Hi JD, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2023 and hope that this New Year is better then the past year 2022.
Enjoy the holidays with family and friends be safe and healthy.
Mary :))
Thank You, Mary. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too. Stay Safe, and Well. May you be Blessed.:)
Hi JD, I am so sorry that I haven't responded soon but have been busy with doctor's appointments one after another. But I am going to work on all of my training with WA and Civil Air Patrol. Because I just haven't had the time. But today (Friday) I don't haven't anything so I am working on my training.
I hope that you had awesome Christmas and a Happy New Years. That you enjoyed the family, and friends for the holidays.
Mary
It is ok, Mary. I realize you have your own life and that it can become extremely hectic. No need to be sorry or to apologize. I am glad you are ok, safe, and well. Thank You for responding now. It is much appreciated. :)
Blessed Be
JD
PS: My Christmas was Good. :) How was yours?