Managing Negative Feedback (as a recipient)

byCSharp

151 followers

10 years ago

Negative Feedback - Ugh!

Let's take out the sting.

Isn't it funny how negative feedback seems to carry more 'weight' than positive feedback? Maybe it's just me, but, for the longest time negative feedback seemed like the biggest dog in the room. When I hear the word 'feedback', I think the word 'criticism' and immediately start to curl up.

Hearing negative feedback can be tough, no doubt. One has to determine if the criticism is constructive or destructive. To be clear, there is no place for destructive personal criticism, especially on the internet. Yeh, yeh, we all have our digital personas, but still, you decide who you let into your inner circle. Personal attacks have no value. The less energy spent on them, the better.

Over time and after a few life experiences, I have come up with the following strategy to deal with negative feedback. I haven't perfected the art, but I'm working on it.

Talk about pushing buttons! When I was young, I had my buttons all out in public for the world to dance on. Sometimes that worked out and I was inspired. Sometimes it worked against me and I felt judged. Then I got defensive, and was in denial. Feeling angry and hurt, my stubborn nature led me to strike out against those who dare "attack" me with criticism. I was critical in return.

Boy, did I miss out! To be fair, does the "spirit in which it was intended" even matter? Not to me. It used to matter, in fact, that was ALL that mattered. My pride could not handle it. Now, it's completely differently. I'm too eager to glean as many nuggets of wisdom as I can, even if it comes from a hostile source. There may actually be a good suggestion wrapped in that nasty tone. I can always take a shower, or go hit golf balls at the driving range, or work out to relieve tension.

So, here are some real-time strategies that have worked for me, when trying to deal with negative feedback.

1. Don't "react". Easier said than done. In our fast-paced world where no one has time to really argue out a point, it's very easy to just react, stomp our feet, have a hiss fit and then move on and leave a nice mess behind. That doesn't serve us in any way.

2. Take a "time out". This doesn't mean go on vacation, though, it could be you need that and in that case, go for it! Take a breather, a walk, a break. What's the hurry? Take all the time YOU need.

3. Sift through the verbage in an effort to understand the real concern. It's not about YOU. If it is, abort the mission now, you are wasting your time. Remember, it benefits you to try to give a forum to the negative feedback because someone is taking the time to lay it out for you. Grab that opportunity! Don't dismiss it. Sometimes, those criticisms are right on the money and we benefit when acting on them. .

4. Take a moment to determine your course of action. It's ok to defend yourself and say "hmm,, let me look at that." Go to a trust friend or coach. Here at WA I have Affilicoach. Ask them to assess the situation honestly.

5. Be gracious, especially if you feel you are "right." Someone took some time and stuck their neck out, knowing they may offend you, but they did it anyway. Respect it. In return, your are respectable and your work will be respected.

6. Resolve the situation on your terms. Maybe invite your "criticis-er" to elaborate, creating a safe space for discussion. Have you noticed that sometimes people just like to vent? Just listen. Don't take it personal, ever! Discuss your point of view while keeping the other POV in perspective. You can agree to disagree. Maybe there's no agreement. That's ok too. Be honest about it. Try not to be emotionally caught up in the negativity.

7. Try not to judge the position of the person offering the feedback. By that I mean, well, it's easier to accept criticism from someone I respect. Someone who I feel has been through my fire. It's harder for me to receive criticism from someone who has no obvious expertise in the matter. It's a weakness on my part.

8. Treat the critique as an opportunity for growth, for improvement, for correction. After all, it may very well be there is a problem you need to address. I know that's been true in my case, many times.

9. Last but not least, do NOT take it personally. If I say "gee, your blog makes my eyes cross", it doesn't mean I am judging YOU. I understand the reverse is true. Don't quit. Don't stop and don't give up.

It's really all good!