Still on the Roller Coaster
I had meant to write something for Father's Day.
My dad was on my mind. He has been a number of times recently, but as always, I think of him more on Father's Day. This time was a bit rougher than usual and I had intended to write something about it, but it just never happened.
My dad passed away a couple of years ago. My mom went several years before that. At times like Father's day, Mother's day, their birthdays and the holidays, my thoughts tend to gravitate toward them. This year, I was thinking about my hopes for what I may one day accomplish through WA, and how I wish my dad could have lived long enough to see me be successful.
I messed up when I was younger. There's no doubt about that. I didn't finish school, which was incredibly dumb.I did high school, of course, and then after that I went on to study Languages and Literature, but didn't complete that course, for a number of different reasons. I started working with the intention of saving up some money before returning to school, but once I started working, I quickly became dependent on that paycheque... I did eventually go back to study this time at a trade school, where I studied electronics. Despite my hopes for that, no great career manifested. In fact, the only thing that course got me was a student debt, which I am still paying 17 years later.
I wish I could have succeeded at something while my parents were still alive. I was thinking about it quite bit over the past few days, but when I sat down to write something on Father's day, I couldn't do it. Instead of thinking about how I had failed my dad, I started thinking about my kids. Father's day this year wouldn't be about my dad, but instead it would be about being a dad.I couldn't be successful in time for my parents to see, but I will do it for my kids.
I believe that WA represents my last, best chance at true success, but having had a number of disappointments over the years, I asked the universe to give me a sign, any kind of sign, that I am finally on the right track.
This morning, I was checking my email and saw one titled Invitation. It took me a moment to figure it out. "Invitation to what?" I asked myself. "Oh, it's from WA... Huh. Must be someone's blog... But it doesn't read the usual 'New Blog Post' or anything..." I clicked on it and still wasn't figuring it out. "Someone accepted my invitation? What invitation?"
Eventually, i managed to piece things together: someone had come to WA from my site.Yes! I was ecstatic! Then I looked at their profile....
Blank. No image. No bio. The user name was "Test" followed by a couple of numbers. So, it seems that whomever it was, they either weren't serious, or maybe didn't see enough to intrigue them, or... I don't know. It was suggested to me that maybe they just took a quick look and will come back later to fully sign up. I hope so.That's the closest I have come yet to a real referral. And if I can get one, I can get more. So, is this my sign from the universe? Is it confirmation that I am on the right track?
Who knows?
Whether it is, or isn't, I am going to look at it in a positive light. I am going to do this because I need to do this. I need to succeed. I need to provide for my family. I need to be a proper husband and a good dad.
So, things continue to go up and down, but I am choosing to look at the high points. The lows always pass in time. I'm going to succeed at this. Maybe not today or tomorrow. Maybe not next week or next month. But I will succeed. And maybe, wherever they might be, my parents will see.
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Recent Comments
38
Good Morning Graig,
Just visualize that cloud with the silver lining, it really exists.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Your parents will be looking down on you every day and I'm sure they won't want you to dwell on your past. What's happened has happened and you can't change it so live for now and take it a day at a time.
We've all made mistakes when we were young although some people will never admit to it.
Hopefully this person will come back and join WA. Xx
I really hope so. Now I need to figure out what exactly brought them here and do more of it.
I'm sure your parent s are looking down and are proud of your tenacity. I like you, also lost ALL my parents at a young age, and I feel they are looking down at me everyday. You WILL succeed.
Thank you.
Yeah, I think we will make it.... I just want it to come before my wife gives up on me. The past several months of me being home and not working has been tough on her. She's not as much of a worrier as I am, but she is obviously concerned.
You are on the right track Craig you don't need sign posts, my friend you know in your heart that you are on the right track this time so crack on with it.
It is those commemorative times and celebrations that always bring our departed to our minds, make them as proud of you, as you are proud of them.
Thank you.
I feel that I am on the right track, but as much as I believe in staying positive and visualising things, I am just as susceptible to doubt as anyone else, and I also like to have little signs along the way.
It's hard to take things purely on faith sometimes, even though we often have to.
you are already a success here at WA Craig, And I bet they are smiling down on you right know.
Always a better way
sending blessings your way
Linda
Thank you!
Things are coming together slowly. As I said, I believe that WA is my best shot at success. I think it can ultimately provide me with much more than I am even imagining right now. I just need to get to that point. My immediate concern is saving up enough money t be able to renew for another year when the time comes. It's still a few months away, but I am going to take at least that long to save up the money.
I'm sure it's coming.... It's just going to take time.
Right now "success" is a rather nebulous concept. I just want to be able to provide for my family. That's it. Not a big request.
I know WA works. I am not too concerned about that. I just need to get it working for ME. Ha ha.
Yah know what Craig? Dad would be really proud of you right now! This ain't no easy row to hoe. He'd be very, very proud!!!
I hope so....
After he passed away,there were messages given to all of us-- me, my siblings, my wife and son (only had one at the time)-- that he had written not too long before his death. We each received a card in an envelope and he'd written a message to each of us. He'd been pretty weak at the time, so he only wrote perhaps one sentence to each of us, and although you could still discern his handwriting, it was very shaky. On mine, all he wrote was "I am proud of you."
I just about lost it when I read that. Even now, remembering it, i get emotional. I kept asking myself what he could be proud of. I certainly hadn't given him any reason to believe at that point that I would ever make anything of my life. I suspect it was due to my marriage and starting a family.
I'm hopeful that I will be able to prove myself worthy of the faith he put in me.
Fathers day is a time for us all to reflect on memories. i lost my father 4 years ago through Dementia, Seeing your father deteriorate like that i would not wish on anyone.
That's exactly how my dad went, too.
We were very fortunate that my brother was living at home with him and was able to care for him right up until the end. He was at home until the day before he passed away.
You are right though, it is horrible. My dad's biggest fear was to, as he said "lose my mind". One of the saddest things for me was just as he was starting to have real difficulty. He had to stay at the hospital for a couple of days due to an injury and infection he had. I stayed overnight with him on the first night and at one point he woke up and became convince that I had somehow snuck him into our neighbour's house. He was very disappointed in me, that I would "break into their home" like that.
It made no sense, and I understood that it was just his confusion, fatigue and medication speaking, but it was painful.
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you are on the right track with your children, it's nice to look back at your past and the relationship you had with your parents, but as the saying goes we live in the present and make the most of it with your children now so in the future they can look back at this time with the best of memories.
I can say this, I have a few good memories of things we did as a family, but when I think back over the day-to-day relationship I had with my parents---not good ones. The worst thing parents can do is judge and compare their children to one another or work at breaking down their self-esteem
The best thing any parent can do is love their child so the child knows he's loved and respect them for who they are and encourage them to have goals in life
It can be tough finding the right balance between encouraging and pushing. My older son definitely needs us to lean towards pushing a bit. We've tried many times to encourage him in different things and help him find something he's passionate about, but there is very, very little that gets him excited. A few times we have had to give him a good push, but fortunately it has resulted in him getting involved in things that he grew to have an interest in. He is so much like I was at that age that it's a bit scary. I can easily see him making all the mistakes I did and I definitely would prefer for him to learn from my experiences than go through it himself.
Every child's personality is different. some are introverts and need to be pushed to do things while others are outgoing and can push themselves. it's understanding their personality and communicating in a way that you communicate in a language they understand--the main thing is to let them know they're loved for who they are
Absolutely. My kids know that while they may drive me nuts on occasion, I love them more than anything and always will.