A good man

The world is an entirely different place this week. We lost a good man on Wednesday, March 6 when my Father-In-Law, Herb Ketay passed away. It is such a strange concept. You're there and the next minute, you are no longer part of this world. And oh, what a hole he has left. Our hearts are broken. Even knowing that Herb's passing was soon to come, it is still difficult to wrap my head and heart around.

Herb has been such an incredible presence in our family and our lives. And yes, 'good man' certainly fits; a great Dad, fantastic Grandfather and "Appa'. Being a good man seems to have become more of a challenge these days - and as challenging as it is to be a good man, raising one is even more challenging.

I know that Herb was a good man because he raised an amazing man in my husband, Mike. And they, in turn helped to raise an equally amazing man in my son, Christopher.

We can only hope that Jack will follow in their footsteps. They most definately are leaving some big shoes to fill! But with an 'Appa Appa', 'Appa', and Uncle LT, Uncle Ravz, and our 'manny', Thomas, Jack is in good hands! We know that Herb will be a guiding voice in Jack's ear and gentle touch on his shoulder as he grows up.

Herb was a story teller's story teller! He could go for hours and never repeat a story. He would tell stories of growing up on the chicken farm in Massachusetts, the tragic loss of a little brother; attending school with his younger sister who would torment him throughout the day in their one-room school house. She was so smart that she was moved up a grade just behind Herb, which of course annoyed the older brother to no end, and delighted little Lottie!

Herb would tell stories of how his family came to this country to escape persecution in a small village in Russia that no longer exists. I would always imagine it being like the little village, Anatevka, from Fiddler on the Roof. They saw and suffered things that no person should have to face. And leaving the terror in Russia to continue facing anti-semetism here impacted the family.

He would tell stories about going out to the barn to find a Jewish family, newly arrived to America to start a new life.

The best story was about a business trip to the USSR. He and his party deplaned in Moscow. The officials took their passports and welcomed Herb with 'Welcome home, Comrade." His blood chilled, not sure that he or his group would be allowed to leave and return home. They knew his family, where they had lived, and when they had left - surreal, to say the least.

Herb was a veteran, having served in the Army. And, sadly the anti-semetism followed him there, as well. He and his brothers saw and did things that nobody should have to experience. These were the only stories Herb didn't share. But you could see the sorrow and pain still in his eyes when the subject was even mentioned.

We tried to record Herb's many stories over the years with the plan to turn them into a book. We want to be able to share this amazing man and his adventures with Jack as he gets older and Ketays to come to let them know where they come from. And when your "Nana-Nana' is decendent from the families on the Mayflower, there will be much to share.

Herb gave Christopher his first salute as naval officer, Ensign Ketay when he commissioned in May 2014, the day before Christopher graduated from Texas A&M - Galveston. And, while Herb's health wouldn't allow him to travel to Pensacola when Christopher received his Wings of Gold as a Naval pilot, he was certainly there in spirit, so very proud of his grandson.

Herb tried to hold on so hard. When Christopher and Elissa were married in 2016, we weren't sure that Herb's health would allow him to be able to attend. California is such a long way from Pensacola, but oh, he wanted to very badly to be there! And, God bless him, he made it!

His wife, Barb, helped to make sure that Herb had a suit that matched Christopher's attendants.

And, just as the Pastor began the ceremony, Christopher stopped the wedding, turned to his Grandfather, with tears in his eyes, and invited Herb to be his Best Man and stand with him. Herb was so very surprised and thrilled.

The wedding continued with Christopher surrounded by the three men who meant the most to him - his Dad, Grandfather and Godfather - a great way to start a new chapter in a young man's life. And while there are always tears of joy at a wedding, there was truly not a dry eye in the house as Herb stood there with his beloved Grandson.

Herb and his beautiful bride, Barb shared 60+, years together. The last 8 were rough. Demential is such a horrible disease for not only the individual, but all who love them. Barb cared for Herb as long as possible. I know there is a special place in Heaven for care-givers. It is the hardest job imaginable. But now Herb is no longer in pain and Barb can be at peace knowing that she honored her husband throughout his difficult journey towards the end.

As heartbroken as our family may be at the moment, we can only be grateful to have had such an incredible man as Herb in our lives for as long as we did.

We are certainly better for his love, guidance and occasional kick in the touche.

Raising a glass this evening to the Grand Dads, Appa's, and Paw Paw's in our lives who bless us beyond measure.

And here's to my three guys, Herb, Christopher and Mike.

May your life be as blessed.

Christine

P.S. This post is as close as I can come to the original post that went to Neverland. It doesn't come close to the original post. I hope you will forgive me for that. The original post would have been post #150 had it not been lost. So although WA will record this as #151, to me it's still #150. Thank you for taking time to share in celebrating Herb's life and all that he meant to our family. Hugs from San Antonio.

C.