Facts about men who never cry

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8 years ago

I was at school when it happened,…

a kid my age dropped the bomb on me, standing tall, proud, stoic. “Men never cry”, I don’t remember why he told me that but when he did, he acted tough and added: “It’s a sign of weakness”.

Honestly, I thought it was true…

Real men never cry, they lift heavy weights, are strong, have to support and carry all the world’s problems on their shoulders. Furthermore, asking for help was a sign of stupidity (guess it came from our educational system, where you are expected to come up with all the answers on your own, another topic).

I want to share a personal story,..

I had lots of resistance before writing it, but I feel that it illustrates why I know feel that it makes no sense. At 16 years old, my mother gave birth to my little brother. I thought it was no big deal. I was going to become a big brother at 16, it’s kind of late but it happened.

I didn’t really care,..

All I wanted at the time was to be tough, to impress the girls, to listen to hip hop (obviously no emotional music) to have a fast car and a tattoo. I went to visit my mother at the hospital. I was stoic. It was going to be quick, time to say hi, talk a bit and I was out.

I saw my little brother…

In his small bed looking at me with his big eyes. My mother asked me to hold him. I took him for the first time, he held my little finger with all the strength he had…. I cried for the first time. I felt like I wanted to protect and defend that little thing with all I had, the mask fell down.

I now think I understand…

Men who never cry are men who either run away from pain or have never lived through strong emotional events. How can you remain calm when you see your baby walking for the first time? Calling your name? When you loose someone to either cancer (happens too often) or anything else (I m sure there are reasons I haven’t thought of).

There are so many ways to run away now,..

Addiction, even physically run away. Alcohol can make anybody appear stronger and give a false strength to anyone. As I saw the latest James Bond doing, always drinking strong alcohol, to avoid feeling any pain that could lead to… Crying.

Crying is a sign of strength… not weakness.

Being able to withstand, remain at the same place as the thing that makes you want to cry, without running away, drinking alcohol to avoid the feeling. You don’t want to confront the look of the person you hurt or lied to or else. Crying is a liberation, what happens afterwards is “growth”. It could be the external sign of growth, something better will come. I think this way.

Don’t stop yourself from opening your gift. I know I grew up, I’m more honest with myself and make choices based on myself not the self that wants to be Tom Cruise or another badass dude.

I’m still battling that belief even years after I received it. I hope the teachers of the next generation will stop teaching this belief to our kids. Could it lead to less alcohol consumption? Let me know?

Thank you

Yves