Coparenting during the Holidays

byWillie31

76 followers

4 years ago

Divorce means change and your life has certainly changed. So create new traditions this year. The holiday may be a strain on you emotionally and traditionally to try to recreate Christmas as you previously knew it.

You maybe feeling guilty about your kids having to go through a divorce and feeling that you must overcompensate to give them the kind of Christmas they have always had but your budget is not in alignment with this decision.

Give your kids more credit than that, if you sit down and talk to them; you maybe surprised by their response. Let them know what you can and can't afford. Kid's are pretty resilient and they really want your time and attention most of all.

Start new traditions with the kids. Maybe you have dinner at noon, so they can be at their father's later in the evening for his dinner and maybe the Christmas tree is not a nine foot tree like they have been used to having but a tree is a tree; it really doesn't matter how tall it is. There maybe fewer presents under the tree this year but they really need your love and that is the greatest gift you can give them.

You are divorced and a single parent but that doesn't have to be a negative thing; things only have meaning because we give them meaning. Be flexible and communicate with the kids about the new life and new traditions. Plans will probably not go according to how you thought they would. That's life, the kids may return late from spending time with their father and it causes your plans to open gifts to be later than planned but try to take it in stride because this day is really about the children. Kids can feel it when there is tension.

Involve the kids in Christmas planning and find out what is really important to them and what isn't because you maybe making a big deal about something that doesn't matter to them at all, so save yourself some trouble and include them on your planning, so they can feel empowered during a time that has been challenging for them also.

Show the kids that you are ok even if you aren't because Christmas is a big day for them. You maybe torn apart on the inside but just know that better days are ahead of you. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. You may have to call a friend and cry on her shoulder while the kids away but make this day about them and put on a brave front.

Show respect to your ex and his family; sharing kids and juggling schedules can be challenging for everyone. Now is not the time to rehash past conflicts even if you have to tighten your lips and smile; somethings are better left unsaid. Things will go wrong, don't expect perfection during the holidays or any other time because that's life.

Divorce has a way of showing us what really matters on Christmas. So whether you are in a warm decorated home environment or having dinner at Golden Coral, you will still be together and that is the real blessing. It's all about the memories and the happiness and joy that you see on their faces.

Yes, it will be tough for you, the Christmas songs and pictures of past Christmas together, old memories will cause you to be emotional. All these emotions are very normal. The first Christmas maybe hard but it gets easier over time; you will get stronger. Know your limits in order to keep your spirits up as much as possible. You may have to do something's different in order to cope and not have holiday blues.

Work out coscheduling times beforehand. Try working out Christmas Schedules months in advance; it maybe a little late for that this Christmas but going forward it may make things a little easier. It will also help the kids to know what to expect in advance.

Try not to talk to your ex while hitting the eggnog; you may say something that you will regret. Don't spoil Christmas for everyone. If not for you, do it for the kids.
Love and Blessings to you, stay strong and know that greater is he that is within you than he that is within the world.