Overprotective parent?
Would I be considered an overprotective parent? Or just a concerned parent?
Here is the situation. My son has recently gotten a job at a store in a neighborhood that is not a very nice. There are policemen in the parking lot of the place where he is getting his job. Now, I don’t mind him getting a job, but I am concerned. I believe that God will protect him. But I have some concerns.
So, I plan on getting him a little extra protection. I plan on getting him a bullet proof and stab proof vest. Do you think that I should do this or talk him out of getting that job?
He is 21. He can make up his mind about things, but I have a very bad feeling about this job. I don't know why. I just don't want to have him wind up dead or something. Is that bad? Is it just because it is in a bad neighborhood?
Would this be considered going overboard? What would you do if your son got a job in a neighborhood that is not a very good place? I would love to hear your advice, other than try to talk him out of getting that job. He is 21 years old. He is old enough to decide what he wants to do. But I am concerned.
I just don't know what to do.
Any ideas and prayers would be welcome in this case. I wish him to take the other job that he may be getting, however, this oneoffered him a job first. It is in an area where, when he had an interview, I waited in the car and there were 3 gun shootings and other things. All this within an hour time.
What would you do? And please, your prayers in this situation would be greatly appreciated.
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21
At 21 he is legally able to think and act on his own. Given guidance so he can take his own protective measures and accept help given and prayer for the things that can't be foreseen, he WILL survive it Wanda. Also if he has other applications in the pipeline something will arise in a more tenable environment!
Wow what a horrible situation to be in. I've never lived in or near a dangerous area like you describe (so take that into account!) but if it were me I would talk to my daughter about not accepting the job. And I would discuss the reality of the risks. Surely there are other jobs in better areas that your son could get. How does he feel about it? Is this something you and your son are used to dealing with...being in areas where there are shootings? For me it sounds horrific. (I live in a quiet mountain village.)
Personally I think that in order to look after our children to the best of our ability we have to be totally straight up about this kind of thing. If, after discussing it, he's adamant that he wants the job, then you'll have to respect his choice. But a deep conversation first would be my approach. I hope you find a solution.
I did not realize that he had been offered a job in that area of the city. We live in an area that is actually further away. But my brother suggested that we try around him. So we came down to his house to stay for a few days so he could look for a decent job. I never thought that he would accept a job in that area.
I will discuss it with him.Thanks.
My prayers are for you and your son. I would approach in this way:
Is this job worth the risk?
Does your son feel comfortable in this environment or does he also feel concern about the area?
Is the father or a male figure he respects available to advise?
It all comes down to who he respects and will listen to for direction. I deal with many at risk youth at my foundation and can tell you that it is best to keep him out of bad environments if at all possible. Otherwise look for a male role model he respects and have them talk to him. Wish you the best and if you need to reach out, PM me anytime.
There is no father figure. My ex-husband was abusive and his grandfather who was his father figure passed away in 2009. He does talk to people at church, but that is different. I don't know if any of them he would consider as father figures. Thank you.
Wanda, Tell him to be aware of his surroundings and be extra careful. Also, suggest he keeps his eyes open for employment opportunities in a safer part of town because you love him.
Barbara
He has been applying all over the place. I just did not expect this place to offer him a job. Thank you.
Hard call, what will you do in 7 days from now and he plans to do another thing in his life that you may feel uncomfortable about?
At some point you have to draw a line, give advice, then set them free.
Good question Wanda. First, my daughter is soon 19 .. she and her friends would say I am over protective. I just say I am realistic and want to mitigate risks.
My daughter does not understand risks. Recently one of our friends kids was "taken" and so far police have no leads. That shocked my daughter who is now constantly informing me where she is and who she is with.
We live in a much safer place than you describe.
This is a dangerous planet and life is fragile. Why increase the risk of damage to yourself or your kids unless it is absolutely necessary? If there is desperation about getting a job and they are almost impossible to come by and the household must have the money then maybe he should take the job. If not then why have him be in what appears to be harms way?
Cheers, William.
I just did a quick survey as to my "protective rating" .. on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being totally protective) my daughter rated me as 6.5 and her friends rated me as 12! So read my comment inside that perspective .. lol. Cheers, and may you son be safe and happy. William.
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He sounds like a good son trying to make his mark in this world. You sound like a very good mom concerned about her son. I would suggest that you advise him as much as you can but let him be the ultimate decision maker.
Jerome