The Story of Two cows From An Internet Marketers Prospective

Last Update: August 26, 2021

I received this in an email this morning AND it's funny

Internet Marketing and direct response simplified:

Billie Jean: You have 2 cows. I know they retired for the 8th time this year but hear me out...

Russel Brunson: You have 2 cows. Here's the secrets trilogy on how to raise, feed and breed them. Be sure to use my proprietary cow farming software, click cows to make it easier.

Tony Robbins: You have 2 cows. The cows just convinced you to run over a pit of burning ashes and you haven't slept in 3 days. But holy shit you believe the CRAP out of yourself right now.

Dean Graziosi: YOU HAVE 2 COWS

Tai Lopez: You have 2 cows, look at them in my garage chilled next to their brand new tractor. Faaaaaaaaaarming

Joel Erway: You have 2 cows, if I told you a simpler way to milk then would you be interested? Here's a mini webinar showing you how...

Russ Rufino: You have 2 cows. Here's a 4-week group training program showing you how to milk them. Watch this webinar for more details.

Adil Amarsi; You have 2 cows, here's how you can ethically milk them without pulling beef out of your ass to make bank

Napoleon Hill: You will have 2 cows if you repeat it hard enough and believe!

Ryan Deiss: You have 2 cows. Here's my certification program for how to milk them.

Travis Sago: You have 2 cows. Here's my 3M framework for big cow milking mojo. The creamiest milk comes out of the back end.

David Ogilvy: You have 2 cows, while milking them the loudest sound this machine makes is the milking clock.

Justin Geoff: You have 2 cows. Here's how to scale your cold milking process at a profit.

Bushra Azhar: You have 2 cows. You'll persuade them to milk themselves using simple but effective psychology.

John Carlton: You have 2 cows, here's the secret to how one of them lost a leg and suddenly started producing 5 times more milk... without being milked!

Agora Financial: You have 2 cows, there's a conspiracy of satanic farmers out to milk your cows and use the milk for their rituals unless you buy these milk futures stocks

Dan Henry: You have 2 cows. Here's how they look on a private yacht.

Dan Meredith: You have 2 cows. I'll show you how to milk them over a warm coffee in my group.

Ben Settle: you have 2 cows. Here's a slacker-friendly way to milk them with one email a day

Dan Pena: WHY THE F**K DO YOU LIMIT YOURSELF TO TWO COWS? BACK IN MY DAY WE EACH OWNED FOUR OF THEM AND MILKED THEM AT THE SAME TIME WITH OUR FEET! F**KING PUSSY!

Jon Buchan: You have 2 cows. Here's how a drunk email can get you a third.

Dottie Reynolds: You have 2 cows. Here's how to run game-breaking Facebook ads to sell your milk, from someone who runs her own ads.

Grant Cardone: *Texas accent* You have 2 cows. Gonna sell them some real estate in my private jet to 10x my milkLianne-

Carla Savage: You have 2 cows. Here's how the Facebook team asked me to teach you how to milk them In your groups.

Ryan Levesque: You have 2 cows. Take a survey so I know how you like your steak cooked.

Dan Kennedy: You have 2 cows. One of them made a surprising come back from near death and the other used to write a newsletter, but it's gone down in quality after being sold.

Mark Kington: You have 2 cows, I want to show my kids how to milk them. It's my duty as the copyfather.

Marc Zuckerberg: You have 2 cows. They're both banned. Including their ad accounts.

Islam Benfifi: you have two cows. I'll give you 10000 blocks of cheese if I can't milk 100,000 gallons of milk from them in 30 days.

Pete Devkota: "You have 2 cows. If less than 30% of your milk sales come from email, you're leaving a lot of cheese on the table" (Thanks John Caprani)

Carlos Redlich: You have 2 cows. They feed on your 40 acres of land as you play poker to see who wins the milk.

John Caprani: You have 2 cows, here's how you can network your way into the circles of the best milk buyers for better prices.

Stef Georgi: you have 2 cows. Here's my SFCMC method for how I milked those 2 cows, plus 42 others per week back in the day.

Alen Sultanic: "You have 2 cows. I'll give you all the most dastardly secrets of The Dark Milking Lords FOR FREE while others are charging thousands, and crash the whole damn market. MWAHAHAHAHA!" (thanks John Caprani)

Brennan Hopkins: You have 2 cows. Their milk made the cheese in the pizza I'm selling in this ecomm email

.Daniel Doan: You have 2 cows. Their milk tastes like Banana flavored milkshakes...

The two comma Club: You have 2 cows. Here's a club for those who can prove they managed to milk 1 million gallons of milk using click cows.

Jeff Walker: You have 2 cows, here's how to pull of a product launch for your new brand of yoghurt.

Brandon Fredrickson: "You have 2 cows. Now you see the thing about cows is... [2 hours later] ...You still there? Anyway... As I was saying, that's why the best milking opportunities in the world are right here in Africa!" (Thanks John Caprani)

Jon Benson: You have 2 cows. Here's a VSL showing you how to milk them.

Gary Bencivenga: You have 2 cows. What I'm about to say about these cows will seem boring, but you'll be hooked to the very end and will do as I tell you... And I have loads of proof to back it up.

Shiv Shetti: If you have a cow and want more cows on retainer, I have the strategy for you. It's called the "Flaming Cow". (Thanks Dean Kutnick)

Ed Reay: you have 2 cows, I will teach you how to milk your cows while being compliant. (Thanks Dean Kutnick)

Jay Makoni: You have 2 cows, you'd milk them faster if you got your huge weapon of mass destruction out of the way, milk is stored in the balls

Pauline Langdon: You have 2 cows. Here's a control beating letter explaining exactly how you can milk them the Australian way.

Lukas Resheske: You have 2 cows. If you can't hand milk these cows for an hour a day you don't want the milk bad enough. Someone else will drink it when I mentor them.

Gene Schwartz: You have 2 cows. You're not aware enough to understand this statement, nor are you sophisticated enough to understand my secret method to milk them.

Gary Halbert: You have 2 cows. Here's a series of incredible letters showing you how to make money off them. But you better implement what you're reading, instead of just being entertained.

Gary Vaynerchuck: YOU HAVE 2 COWS! WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING READING THIS! LIKE THIS POST AND SHOOT A F**KING VIDEO!

John Lee Dumas: You have 2 cows. And they're ready to ignite....those are the ones I could think of on the spot this has been a Jay Makoni braingasm.

Don't believe the hype.

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Recent messages
JKulk1 Premium
I have two cows. But, as I don't own any, I'd better get them out of my garden. Jim
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JeffreyBrown Premium
😂😂😂 The best ever, Catherine! Different people will always view things different ways! 🐮

Jeff😎
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TheCatherine Premium Plus
They will always sell differently
Reply
JeffreyBrown Premium
Yes, indeed, we are all different!
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1Rudy1 Premium
That is FUUUNNNNY!
As I read down the list, I realized that I had only heard of a few of them...

Rudy
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TheCatherine Premium Plus
They are all famous copywriters
Reply
1Rudy1 Premium
Thanks, good to know...
Reply
eminentcopy Premium
It's hilarious, but behind the humor are lots of things to pick.
I can relate to some of the 'fathers' of copywriting in this post.
Thanks for sharing, Catherine.
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TheCatherine Premium Plus
Absolutely and Travis Sago is still a member here as far as I know
Reply
eminentcopy Premium
That's awesome.
They should pass down the skills.
Reply
ParthaB Premium
Catherine,

When I initially read the title to this post I had to bite my tongue and walk away.

I thought it may be a sequel to one of my recent blog posts (not mentioning any names) 😂😂😂

However, upon my return - read this, loved this.

Plus, a few real heroes of mine on this list (and I can imagine them saying exactly that).

Partha
Reply
TheCatherine Premium Plus
And mine Travis being one of the best communicators of all times for me
Reply
ParthaB Premium
The first name that came to my mind too.

It was his "Bum Marketing" that was one of first things I ever read online.

I read it, digested it, followed it to the tee, and whaddya know - it worked!
Reply
TheCatherine Premium Plus
I still own the domain bumarticlewriting.com
Reply
Kav Premium
Link doesn't work,
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TheCatherine Premium Plus
no I said I own the domain, it is now an empty domain
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Kav Premium
oh, that's right.
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