When is helping someone actually hurting them
yes saying no is a hard lesson. I had trouble with it for quite awhile, especially when it comes to the kid. my husband said every time we give her money we were crippling her. Not only that but reinforcing her own belief that she could not make it on her own. yes now she has a good job and money still gets tight because she needs to understand her spending as well as her income. I think we give money out of guilt, but in the case of my kid it almost feels like a responsibility. I feel that i did not teach her properly if she cant handle her money.
this is not to say i am completely cold hearted. It is a hard road in America if you come from an impoverished place and you might be born with 3 strikes to begin with. climbing out of poverty can be near impossible and spouting out things like "you can be anything you set your mind to" is just insulting. I am most likely to not going to be a famous athlete at my age with my illnesses. no matter how much I put my mind to it! Ill never be a ballerina! but im losing track here.
one way i handle no is to remember it this way.
Nothing is set in stone, the future is not set, therefore IF I happen to change my mind it is easier to go from no to yes than the other way around. no to yes looks cheerful and gracious while yes to no feels heavy and wishy washy, especially if people were counting on you. So that's how i handle the no.
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I am a firm believer in encouraging people to empower themselves I come from a big family so we did not have much however we learned to me independent and manage well, it is hard to see family struggle financially maybe you can suggest helping her to work out a budget. whilst we have to be practical not everything will be something we do however it is about finding out what we can do..
So true! you made a valid point going from no to yes.