Relentlessness-Diaries of a middle aged woman (Part 3)

What are the things that are holding you back? You have set your goals, yet you find yourself going around in circles. I would have been far gone if I did not listen to fear. Fear can paralyze you, and it is fear of the unknown that is the most dangerous.

Often we want everything to be outlined. We want to know about all the curves and the potholes on the road. The truth is if you have never travelled the road before, you will have to rely only on those who have travelled it before. As a matter of fact, even they cannot tell you of the roadblocks, road stops, accidents and other dangers that you can meet.

When you are a traveller, you know that there are unforeseen dangers. It does not matter whether you have prepared as good as you have. They will just come from nowhere.

Be prepared, yes but put it in your mind and get ready for disappointments. Do not overly put your trust in other human beings because there are times when you also disappoint yourself.

Sometimes we are also delayed by the fact that we over-prepare. We don't want to start something until we are a hundred percent sure that we are ready. Sometimes it is good to jump into the deep end and find your way back. That is how a lot of people have started learning how to swim.

Crying over spill milk is crazy. We need to tell if something is worth spending our time on it or if we should move on. This calls for wisdom. A lot of women have committed this painful mistake. They stay in marriages that have long expired. It is sad to say this, but, indeed, some relationships that we find ourselves keeping have long reached their expiry date.

When someone does not care how much they are hurting your feelings and are repeatedly committing the same mistake, they are not worthy of your time and resources. This applies to both men and women, by the way. Sometimes we hang in there because we are afraid of the unknown. After all, the saying,' better is the devil, you know,' is not always true.

Do not authorize, permit, or allow another person to be responsible for things they are not willing or capable of doing. A person has to be willing to be in a relationship with you. You can not force someone to stay with you when they are over you. Learn to read between the lines; sometimes, people are afraid to tell you when they are no longer interested in the relationship.

Love yourself enough to leave any toxic environment, whether a relationship, employment, friendship, marriage etc. You are worth it. You are worth the good. You are better off alone than stay where you are no longer welcome. Do not overstay your welcome.

Our intuition does tell us, but we ignore it with the hope that things will change. Sometimes we want things to change without any effort on our side. We always point fingers at others and take no responsibility for our own doing. It is always the other person or circumstances we find ourselves in.

How long do we hope to do the same thing and hope things will change? My mentor used to say that if you don't take responsibility for anything, you have volunteered the remote of your life to another person. In other words, it is that person who is responsible for your happiness and everything else.

For a very long time, I believed that my husband was responsible for a lot of things. I stayed in that paralyzed state for a very long time. Everything that was going wrong in my life was his mistake. I did not see how overbearing I was. I did not see how unfair I was to him.

It is sad to watch when people are always blaming, finding fault in everything and everyone else. We have become a society of disabled people. We are crippled by our own doing. When you stay in the state of blaming and complaining, you will never do anything about your situation because it is never your fault. You are right; if it is not your fault, why should you do something?

You have to find the courage to take responsibility so that you can begin to change. When you do nothing, nothing will change. Let us take a leap of faith together and turn things around. We have a huge cloud of witnesses and support within this community. I can see that this is a family that will pick you up when you fall.

Be proactive and start somewhere. The family will not make you stand unless you tell them

where things have gone wrong. Unfortunately, they are not fortune-tellers. They can only help when you shout. There is an Isizulu saying, my (native language), that says, "ingane engakhali ifela embelekweni". This means a child that does not cry dies on their mother's back.

Go ahead and cry if it hurts, but don't cry forever because there is work to do. Wipe those tears, and let's start working.

Are you ready to jump? Let us be relentless. Let us keep moving. They say push until something happens.