Are you still raising "adult" children? If so, you're not alone!

I have adult children and adult step-children, who are still more child than adult sometimes. I used to be surprised that people I talked to at work had similar problems with their adult children. Now, I'm more surprised when I talk to a parent of young adult children who doesn't have these issues.

If you struggle while still raising children that are actually adults, here's a virtual hug/handshake/high-five (take your pick) for you to welcome you to the club, and to let you know you're not alone!

Surely, we did our best to provide our children more than we had when we were growing up, just like our parents did for us. Somehow, many of these kids didn't grow up to be any better prepared for a more successful life. Instead, they grew up with a sense of entitlement, as well as a lack of maturity and responsibility.

Raise your hand if you are doing any of these for your adult children: helping to raise their children; paying any of their bills even though they work; explaining to them how to schedule doctor appointments or filling out their new patient paperwork; showing them how to file their taxes; keeping their birth certificate for them; handling their banking, etc.

Do you hesitate when they call or text because you expect them to ask for money, or to tell you about their latest crisis in hopes that you will fix it for them? If you give or loan money, do they pay it back? Do they complain if you say anything about their money management, even as they are asking you for more of it?

Do they refuse to take your advice because they are grown, but still ask for your help to solve their problems? Do they even ask for help, or just guilt you into it? Do they call at all, or even answer the phone, unless they need something?

Do they have a problem holding a job, or managing what they do have to be self-sufficient? Do you provide their phone or insurance? Do you expect them to be on your insurance until they turn 26?

I raised my children with rules and responsibilities. I bet you did that with your children, too. How did so many of this generation grow into their young and mid-20s, with them expecting us to keep providing, and us still doing it?

My husband and I are transitioning all of our children to get them off of our payroll. He has done better setting limits with his. I'm working to stop providing for one of mine in the next couple months, when she finishes the police academy. That only leaves one, and I'm trying to restrict her support to college expenses.

I'm excited that we will soon be able to keep more of the money we earn. It's time to focus on our needs, too, and to prepare more to be ready to retire early.

Do you have an experience to share? Are you unable to stop helping because of worry or guilt? Be gentle with yourself as you tackle this. It can be heartbreaking to do this, but in the end, we are healthier when we, and our adult children, are each responsible for our own lives.

Please share your thoughts.