I am sad
Introduction
Today one of my workmates' s boyfriend sent a message that he has beaten her and was asking me to check on her. I went to her house, only to find her with a blue eye! I was so angry with him and asked him "Why" and he did not have an answer.
My thoughts went hay wire! She is away on sick leave and she will not report the abuse.
Women abuse
In African patriarchal families abuse is tolerated. Women are expected to be submissive to their men or any male person in the family. Needless to say in patriarchal families, also women teach their girl-children that it is alright to be beaten, emotionally abused, verbally abused and financially abused.
Women in the patriarchal families
Mothers to sons see nothing amiss in their sons physically abusing their wives or emotionally and financially abusing their wives or even having extra marital affairs. These women will have the courage to say men were created like that and encourage the abused woman not to complain but accept the little attention she gets from her spouse after all she is married to him, these other women are not.
Sisters will be introduced to their married brother's girlfriends and smile about it. If the wife finds out, and complains to the spouse, she will be beaten by the spouse. Sisters will comment that it does not start with their brother, everyone does it.
The abuser
The married man carries on like a community stud, comes home late, spends time with girlfriends, spends money with girlfriends and does not respect his marriage vows. Nevertheless if the wife confronts him, he will proudly tell her she can go if she wants to or get a beating. If she leaves the matrimonial home and goes back to her people, again there is a problem. Her own parents will tell her to be patient with her spouse, men are like that, he will change!
Word of advice
These days there is so much violence against women. Recently in South Africa, a man killed seven women and hid their bodies. In Zimbabwe hardly a newspaper is published without a woman being abused and in most cases killed because she is suspected to have committed adultery!
Women run for your lives, leave this traditional belief that a good woman stands by her marriage through thick and thin. Women are dying of HIV/aids transmitted by unfaithful spouses who will not even divulge their status. These men take their medication at work and when the woman is sick and wants to be tested, some men will not allow the tests to be done, resulting in the demise of the woman.
Men,be men enough to respect and value life. I believe if you are a self-respecting man, you will not lift up your hand to bash a woman.
Young mothers
Mothers of sons in this 21st century, bring up your sons to value a woman, see a woman as their equal and deserving a good life because she is a human being. Sisters - in - law discard double standards, if your brother is wrong tell it straight to his face.
Fathers
Be good enough to do away with traditions which are subjective to women. The first school of a child is home, be a good example to your sons. Do not rule a home with an iron fist, a home is not a prison!
Conclusion
Thank you for reading this article. Remember we are commerating 16 Days of Activism and Gender based violence is one of the things we should talk about in families and at work.
Recent Comments
54
When I read this I feel such anger and indignation rising. And it doesn't help because it's something that's been going on for decades but it's just ridiculous that it's happening.
I am glad that here in the Netherlands there are now anonymous helplines where you can report domestic violence as an outsider
It just happens here too, but not to this extent
I know that happens to lots of people especially women, this is just wrong if she kills him she will be punished, if she stays with him she has to put up with the beating she
is in a bad situation, either way, to be in, I am glad I am not in that situation, she can
Pray and follow your intuition, in this 21st century it is sad to see we haven't value
women, show the other side there is good, courtesy, respect for all women and above
all we have to love is all, Domestic violence is running rapidly everywhere, we have to keep talking, and keep talking about this difficult situation.
My take on this is for the woman to sum up courage and leave while she's still able to. Separation for a while is necessary.
The abuse will always repeat itself unless the behaviour is seriously challenged.
Domestic Violence happens everywhere but more so in cultures where women are not regarded nor respected.
You do realize that she has nowhere to go, no status beyond what her husband permits. She probably has no money and no one will help her because they can get in trouble if they do. If her husband finds her, he can kill her without repercussions. She's totally trapped.
Kav thank you and it is true that this behavior is more common in cultures where women are not respected and valued.
Yes I do realise. I also do realise that the situation will never change until she takes action.
It is comments like this that forces women to stay in abusive situations and sincerely l’m not blaming you.
Seriously? You're not "blaming me" for my comment?
So, what would you suggest she do, given absolutely no resources?
What would you say if she dies in the process or looses some of her faculties, all because she needs money.
That's my point! Right now she's trapped, unless we can get funds to Senanelo2 to give to her and help her escape. We can always make more money. She can't.
I hate that we live in a world where there's more focus on pronouns than on abuse such as this. I can't imagine the horrors women in your country endure. I have no answers. I have no words. I will pray for them all, and always watch for opportunities to help. I pray that someone younger and stronger than me find a way to make a difference here.
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Senanelo, what you are describing are not Christian principles. We are all children of God and were created equal. Barbaric rules and traditions were created by men trying to exert power, not by God who created us.
If this behavior has been instilled in people since their youth, as being acceptable then it will take time to change; but that change needs to start immediately.
Archie
Bridges the change has to start with immediately, that is true.