to sulk or not to sulk.

It has always been hard to be the person who never "fit in". Not that I was weird or unlikable, I

just don't really think like anyone around me and I always felt better alone because of it ....I have always had a hard time sharing what I think and why because I was also afraid people might think I am strange and reject me.... but - Recently, I had a conversation with a pastor I know from Africa. His comment that stuck was "you are more intelligent than most in your region. I believe you have what it takes to have a positive impact for change". That really stuck with me. Not because I think I am so smart, or that I have something others don't, or that I am better than anyone... in fact I have always felt quite the opposite. But somehow what he said stuck with me in the sense that smart or not, great or not so great..... I have something to say, and the truth is that we all do! The question is whether you are willing to be vulnerable or not, or whether you are willing to risk sharing what you think, know, feel or the lessons you have learned and risk rejection?

Well, I have been given a lot of lemons, but have been given a lot of life gems as well. One of those gems was grandparents who never stopped praying for me, took me in when my stepmother told my

dad "she leaves or I leave" when I was 16, and loved me unconditionally! They taught me true Christianity (not the kind that is for show, or like the judgmental types) they were the real deal. They taught me how to love, how to put boundaries down in a kind way when necessary, good work ethic (how to work like you are getting paid a hundred dollars an hour even when you were only getting nothing, or very close to it)..... they taught me to follow my heart, my dreams and showed me that my talents were valuable, I was valuable (in a way I never got until I lived with them) and not just spoke those things.... their actions showed that they meant what they said. My grandfather paid my way through art school because he believed in me (when my own parents did not). He passed away before I got through it, but his belief in me fueled my determination and what he taught me sticks with me now, almost 2 decades later.... In fact, most things I learned that were worth learning was through those two, amazing, beautiful people.

That said, I learned something from my 3 year old daughter the other day and I had to laugh and I also just have to share (what inspired me to even write this today). I had just gotten out of the shower and locked the door so I could get dressed in peace before her or her brothers realized the water was off and began the descent upon the bathroom for the barrage of questions, need-to-knows, wants or in general just hovering because they can... anyway, the first to appear outside the door was Claire. My young, spunky, sassy and oh so full of life and personality 3 year old. She asked to come in and I said I would let her in after I was dressed. Soon, I heard the joyous sound of fake crying. Trying not to laugh I asked her what was wrong to which she replied, "you just have to open the door mamma, your girl is out here sulking".

I laughed but also had to think how many times has that been all of us? wanting something to happen because we were sulking, upset or otherwise plain displeased with our situation. Now, I know that not everyone from more recent generations is like this, so if this is not you, ignore... but... there seems to be a sense of entitlement, an "it should be given" attitude without ever having had to work for anything mentality. The unrealistic expectation of graduating college and go straight to the corner office with CEO wages, skipping all the steps to achieve that status.

My stepson for example: sits on his buttocks (to put it kinder than the word I am thinking in my head right now) at the family business.... all afternoon when he gets there from school and orders others around yet he is entirely too lazy to get up and sweep a freakin floor (which my father-in-law and husband who own the place do on a regular basis).... (he is 12 years old and has never worked for a darn thing in his life). He has told employees he does not like that "when I own this place I will fire you", has had the nerve to chase people who walk through the grounds regularly, and tell them they were not allowed to walk on this driveway (my father-in-law, who is in his late 70s... chased them down to apologize for this obnoxious child)... he is disrespectful to everyone and acts like HE owns the place. It has gotten so bad he is not allowed at our house anymore (that's in previous post).... anyway, my point is that I see this attitude more often than not, maybe not to this extreme, but is even a hint of that a good thing? I think not...but I then had to wonder at how many times have we all had a hint of wanting something for nothing?

Anything that is worth having, is worth working for, right? or in my daughter's case, worth being

patient for..... well, even here at WA.. I have only been at this a few months but I find myself wanting the income to happen now. I find myself having to exercise a lot of patience. I find myself wondering if I am even a good enough writer to grab someone's attention or if anyone cares about what I care about? (I am sure many have had these thoughts and just given up before the discipline to work hard and having patience though the waiting times pays off) but to this I say, keep going. Work well done will be rewarded.

I truly believe that the "sulking" attitude or wanting something for little work and no patience gets us exactly nowhere... this work is like treasure in disguise.... where will the hunt for gold reap rewards? who knows, but the potential is great and we have to ditch any entitlements or thinking we should not really have to work... because truth be told if it falls into our lap with no effort have we really learned anything? no.

just had to share my daughter's unintentional lesson, made me laugh and think at the same time.....