Storytelling can save the world
I used to work at a homeless shelter.
My job was to train psychology interns to use the therapeutic model by developing trust with the clients/residents there and linking them with social services. I told the kids that all the residents there had a story to tell. I wanted them to get the stories. They could use those stories to be the middle connection between social worker and client and counselor to client.
If someone will tell you their story you’ve begun to build trust. If you do that you can begin to connect them to services that may help them recover from the many different reasons people become homeless in today’s world.
Homeless people are not used to being listened to. They are used to being invisible.
I’m not going to preach about the ills of today here. Not the place for it. I just wanted to list a benefit of storytelling in connecting with clients. Sometimes the greatest thing you can do to help someone is facilitate storytelling. Can we get our blogging ‘clients’ to tell us their story? Would it help our business?
Wehn you persuade them to share their story you are part of the creative process. The story was there before you, but no one knew it other than the client. Now you know it and can share it with the clients’ social workers, counselors, whatever they allow you to do with it. You can change a person’s entire world through storytelling. Ellen DeGeneres is a great storytelling facilitator. Just throwing that in there.
You can do that with your blog clients. I’m trying to learn how to do that within the confines of the blogging world now. What could you do with the information from your readers? Design the perfect products for them? Remember Ross Perot?
Ross Perot ran for president twice in 92 and 96 and made a good size dent in the system. His fortune came from selling computers. You know what he did? He went to schools and asked the teachers what they would want if they could design their own computers for their classes. Then he had the factory build that computer and offered it to the schools based on the teacher’s recommendations and sold record numbers of them. He was worth 4 or 5 billion by the time he was running for president. He was just an IBM salesman out of the military. Didn’t start out rich, but he is now.
He got his clients to tell him their story.
The point of bringing Ross Perot into this is he used storytelling in this same way I taught the interns. By facilitating storytelling and he found out what his customers wanted. The students did the same thing with homeless people and used that story to help them end their homelessness.
We did gain some incredible stories along with helping many people. We had former NBA players that found themselves homeless as clients in the shelter. MMA fighters, Wall Street brokers that lost it all for various reasons. We also had homeless clients who we encouraged to sign up for community college and completed their degrees while at the shelter. The culinary arts degree was popular.
One story that affected me more than most was that of a man around 80 that passed away the night he told me his story. He died peacefully in his bunk. He needed to tell his story and I was honored and feel fortunate to have been the one who listened to him.
I think it is an important story. Let me tell you a bit about this shelter set up so his story makes more sense.
The shelter is the first of its kind in the country.
The county sheriff runs it and the public defender’s office works with the sheriff to staff and help the residents. It is a full sevice shelter. Counselors, medical, social worker, legal aid, they had it all. The public defender’s office hired counselors and social workers to work at the shelter. The sheriff did the same but their primary role is security at the shelter. With over 400 homeless people staying there on average they had plenty to do.
This man, this old veteran who told me his story had worked for the public defender’s office. That was his job. He didn't tell anyone he worked with about his issue. He owned his own home, had loving family members. Wasn’t mentally ill or addicted to chemicals of any kind. He wasn’t a criminal and was for all you could see a solid citizen in his community.
So how did he become homeless? A series of events that might happen to any of us. His mind began to go on him. No one knew it. He was in his 80’s and it just happened. He stopped paying his bills right or on time or at all, his family wasn’t aware of any problems from what we could find out. No one checked on his financial health. He was dad, the solid one. He had full retirement and social security he was fine, right?
He lost his house for not paying his bills
It appeared to have been auctioned off. He lost everything. He was wandering the streets not sure what to do. He was not used to needing help. He was proud but didn’t know what to do when his mind was failing him.
We have an officer who usually takes all the homeless calls and he found him sitting at a bus stop emaciated but no- he was not drunk. He made no sense to the officer, but he had a lot of training with crisis intervention and took him to the shelter after he was cared for medically.
Someone like him falls through the cracks in our system. Our community ways. No system is perfect. But his is a cautionary tale. You can have it all sorted out in your life, but one thing can go wrong and it all fall apart. There are things you can do to prevent that though. Many of you have already thought of them as you read this.
Do them, comment about them here please.
The man lived 80 odd years. But he may have had a few more years if just one thing was different. Was it his family’s fault? Should they have gotten more involved in his life? Was it his pride? Should he have told his kids something was wrong? Should he have turned his finances over to his family? If you lose your mind to dementia how do you know what to do? I don’t remember when his wife passed, but it was several years earlier I’m pretty sure.
Maybe the community could have found out what was wrong instead of taking his home. It takes people who care to make systems work properly. The law that allowed them to take his home was not designed to work that way, not for someone in his situation. He had money to pay the bills, but lost his mental abilities. I think society can learn from him. I went back to the shelter the next day and it was no different. There was no mention of him all day. No one seemed to know anything was off.
I was the only one he told his story to. So I had to tell them at the shelter. I told the interns, my boss and the social services staff. They are the ones who dug up a lot of the information about this guy. Now I have told you.
How his situation fell apart is tragic. Not all homeless people are drug addicts or drunks.
They have stories also. We all do.
Recent Comments
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Great blog Paul! We need to walk a mile in people's shoes to understand what they go through..It is so easy to criticize, judge, when we have absolutely no idea what someone is going through...Very thoughtful...thanks for that
What a wonderful post Paul, without family to care, we can all just go down the gurgler.
I like the idea of having our visitors relate to us their stories, but sometimes they don't need any prompting and just spew their angst to all.
Jae
Thank you, Paul, for sharing your story to encourage all of us, who can share our stories. My older sister passed on recently with some inheritance to her grandchildren. One of her grandsons is in his late thirties. He can work, but he has a problem managing his finances. I am a retired tax ckancountant. I suggested to my niece, his sister could set up direct deposit and auto pay for his bills and hze could continue on working.
He is presently living in a halfway house, hopefully recovering from alcoholism and working. His dad, my nephew, passed on at the early age of 62 from nueropathy from the affects of alcohol. His son is one who could fall through the cracks, but hopefully he will make it. He has a good heart. He told us part of his and his dad's stories, and he told us how much his dad meant to him, at his dad's service. Thank you, Paul, for that you do... Clay
That is a sad story. There are so many of those stories out there.
A few years ago, I went to give a homeless man a meal and those that i was with started to freak out and told me to stay away from him.
I didn't understand why but sad to say I didnt follow through on my good thought.
Perceptions are so powerful.
Reading your posts, just reminded me, that man had a story too.
People fear what they don't understand.
Thankfully there are many people like yourself that have opened your mind and hearts.
Story telling is an art. A skill that i dont have but happy to hear ones that can :) great messages come through great storytellers.
Thank you so much for sharing this post, Paul.
Di :)
Very interesting post, Paul. You sound like you gave the resident a compassionate ear that he needed at that time. As you said, we all have stories, and are dying to have someone to listen to us.
I love the concept of the shelter you were working at being all inclusive to address the needs of their residents and help them out of their homelessness.
I remember when the governments were starting to close the psychiatric hospitals and put people out on the streets. If something like the shelter you worked at or halfway houses that provided supervision had been available at that time, there would have been a lot fewer homeless people suffering on the streets.
I liked your comment about not all homeless people having something wrong with them. That man was a perfect example of just needing someone to listen to him, and follow up on what they heard.
I suspect that his dementia started gradually and subtly, and if his family was all living out of town like my mother's was when her dementia started, I could see how he could slip through the cracks without his family knowing he had a problem.
My mother was hospitalized with electrolyte imbalance and told her neighbors not to call me. That was the first clue that she needed some help.
She was just beginning to show signs of memory difficulties, but was still living alone independently in her own apartment. None of the 3 of us kids realized she was starting to have cognitive difficulties until then.
I don't know if she was aware of her memory difficulties and embarrassed to ask for help or not, but she seemed to enjoy it when I moved in with her, took over paying her bills, fixing her meals, and driving her where she needed to go. Her memory difficulties showed up in things like forgetting to eat, even when I fixed her a lunch and left a note on the table if I was going to be gone at meal time.
I spent about 5 years being a "reverse snowbird". Where I live, many of my friends spend the winters in warmer climates and summers in the cool mountains. No me. For those 5 years, I spent the sweltering hot summers in Iowa and was home in my mountain cabin in the winter time because Mom spent her winters with my sister in Georgia.
I think Mom really enjoyed the company, and we had a great time during those 5 years. Now that she's gone, I treasure that time we had together even more.
This is only one example of how elderly people who are experiencing cognitive difficulties and forget to eat, bathe, or pay their bills run into trouble. What can be done to prevent situations like the one Paul described in his post?
It felt that way too Carol. He really seemed to have a need to let it out.
I was brought onboard by my mentor initially. It was her idea to form the internship in a partnership with 5 other colleges.
Just the concept of a full-service homeless shelter with guards to protect both staff and residents seemed to so good that I had to go work there.
I've volunteered at several shelters and it's often unsafe for both the staff and homeless clients. It all comes down to resources for most of them.
The full-service shelter had good funding and full staff right off the bat which helped get the word out to the people on the streets.
I did a study for our application grant to show the positive effects of having psychology student interns getting involved in the recovery process and it had good numbers. the return rates went down a little, and those who succeeded once in a home tended to stay more often.
Many social services find homes for people but that's where the service ends. So many of them need more help than just a place to live if they are to have any chance of keeping that home.
Your mother was lucky to have you in her life. They say there isn't as much need for families in today's world. I'm not sure I believe it.
We may need them more than ever now, but for different reasons.
Thanks, Paul. That's so true that they need support after they have homes so they don't become homeless again. My sister knew someone who had a homeless person living in a tent behind his place of business. He and his partner paid the deposit for the man, and got him an apartment. He was supposed to have help managing his money.
Initially, the man was living in the apartment and apparently enjoying it. However, it wasn't long until the man pitched his tent in the middle of the living room floor.
Eventually, the tent went up in the yard, and the man was right back where he had been before. I don't know what more could have been done for this man, as he appeared to prefer his tent to the apartment. I think it's a good example of needing to listen to people we're trying to help, and not assuming that what you want is what that person does.
Carol
Good point. That story is not that uncommon. We can't just go from one life to another so easily.
That's true. Unfortunately, when we think we're helping them to a better life and it's not what they are wanting, or they're having difficulty adjusting to the new lifestyle, it's difficult for the would-be helper to comprehend.
It is very sad what happens to elderly people. My aunt was around 90 and quit paying her bills and had not cashed social security checks for almost 2 years!! Luckily, her grandson visited her and figured out what was going on. He moved her into a care facility and contacted Social Security. It took him almost a year to straighten out that part of her finances. He took over her bills, paying for the care facility, etc. I called her every night for 7 years to check on her. She was one of the lucky ones! In her case, she never told a soul what was going on. So it is sometimes not the fact that we don't listen. Sometimes that person does not tell! They may not remember or they may be embarrassed.
And, yes, all of this can apply to our business. Sometimes, you need to ask the right questions. But, unfortunately, we may not know what the question is?? You always have to be on your toes and pick up on little hints.
This was eye opening in so many ways. People assume because someone has been homeless there is something wrong with them and society wants no part in it. They put these people aside and act like they are complete trash. Like you said, everyone has a story. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I was there was an agency that would take these people off the streets and help rehabilitate them and help them get back on their feet for good. There are good people out there, but it seems that there are far and few between. Thank You for sharing.
Tina
We were very moved by this post, Paul.
We can apply your idea of listening to a person's story by actually engaging our clients/customers. Nobody really listens anymore and everyone is dying to be heard. You put a very interesting twist on it by using the analogy of homeless people, in particular this one gentleman.
Remember this, you were there and you did listen to him and, although he passed that very night, he appreciated your kindness.
So do we.
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Paul, Thank you And truly Great read.
I am not at all astonished that just as this man had fallen through the cracks in receiving proper help, so thousands of others suffer
from being in situations that are above their ability to manage financially or otherwise...family for many reasons are just not always willing or capable.
Having managed a half-way house during the release of thousands of mental health patients from state facilities in the early 1980s, I witnessed first hand the circumstances that came out of not being able to rely on government resources for help in their daily management of life. I'd wondered if some simply went out and committed crimes simply to get back into an institution that covered their fears in existing in the world.
As you know previously my thoughts too story-telling, Let me add only that I am grateful that you are here...Enjoy the day Paul.
David R.
His story is very difficult to write about. I have wanted to for some time now, but the story I wrote never seemed good enough to represent him.
One important thing I have learned here is to let go of perfection and just write it.
I've heard that message before in my life of course, but it stuck for me here because of purpose and intent.
The story, like any, has purpose and intent. It doesn't need to be perfect to fulfill its purpose and I can let the intent come to fruition.
I'm glad you are here as well David.