And now I begin.

byNoisejingle

92 followers

9 years ago

Finally, I'm off to the races. Now granted, I sat through most of the training modules a few months ago, but now I'm serious...no really, I am!! I believed in this program enough to sign up for it but I didn't believe in my own potential enough to be brave and bold. Instead, I jumped headfirst back into my usual occupations (bartending, serving and catering work). Within a month, I was making more money than ever before, but here's the kicker, I ended up back where I left off...depressed and drowning in a bottle. You see I'm great at restaurant work but I'm horrible at having no vision or hope for a brighter future. Honestly, I'm good at a lot of activities but that doesn't mean I give a crap about them. Being someone's bitch for $30/hr was o.k. for a few months, since I was broke to start, but very quickly I digressed into a passionless conundrum once the bills are paid and my life had become nothing more but an empty restaurant grind, working for someone else.

What's different with me now? - This time around I'm not looking for other work to bury myself in, other than WA. I have been interviewing for new "jobs" and have made it very clear that I can only work 20hrs/wk spread over 3 shifts (I have my hands in other cookie jars but as far as a weekly gig). I am not making WA my priority, instead I am placing my physical, spiritual, mental and social fitness first. WA and my 20hr/wk job come second with a short term goal (3 months) of WA eradicating the 'ol j-o-b. I have taught myself many skills in my adult life and formally studied Classical Greek dialects starting at age 37, with hardly a grasp on english grammar and such. I know what it takes to stick my head down in the books and not come up for air for a month straight. What's really new now, is that I am dedicating myself to dreaming dreams for myself that reach beyond my comfort zone of "what's reasonable/logical" and then doing the real work; i.e. brainwashing myself to confidence and faith in a new truth of my spirit in this human experience. For me, hard work is easy; having faith in the "impossible" is hard. I feel lucky in that I have known many folks with bold faith in their dreams, but whom lack the work ethic required to develop the necessary skills, and the wisdom to recognize the benefits of "missing the mark". I know I will have failures, hell, this posting is probably a sin, but I believe with no risk of hubris that I have made significant strides down the path, beyond belief and past faith, towards the realm of certitude and credence.