The Importance of Pain
It is fairly common for crisis and pain to connect people with their capacity to love and care about one another. It is also common that this openness and compassion fades quickly, and that people then become afraid and far more guarded and closed than they were before. The question, then is not only how to uncover our fundamental tenderness and warmth but also to abide there with the fragile, often bittersweet vulnerability. How can we relax and open to the uncertainty of it?
The natural warmth that emerges when we experience pain includes all the heart qualities: love, compassion, gratitude, tenderness in any form. It also includes loneliness, sorrow, and the insecurity of fear.
A person does something that brings up unwanted feelings, and what happens? Do we open or close? Usually we involuntarily shut down, yet we escalate our discomfort. Maybe we strike out at them - all because we don’t want to go near the unpleasantness of what we’re feeling. It allows our natural warmth to be so obscured that people like you and me, who have the capacity for empathy and understanding, get so clouded that we can harm each other. When we hate those who activate our fears or insecurities, those who bring up unwanted feelings, and see them as the sole cause of our discomfort, then can we dehumanize them, belittle them, and abuse them.
Whatever pleasure or discomfort, happiness or misery you are experiencing, you can look at other people and say to yourself, “Just like me they don’t want to feel this kind of pain.” Or, “Just like me they appreciate feeling this kind of contentment.”
When things fall apart and we can’t get the pieces back together, when we lose something dear to us, when the whole thing is just not working and we don’t know what to do, this is the time when the natural warmth of tenderness, the warmth of empathy and kindness, are just waiting to be uncovered, just waiting to be embraced. This is our chance to finally understand that wherever we go, everyone we meet is essentially just like us. Our own suffering, if we turn toward it, can open us to a loving relationship with the world. Before we can know what natural warmth really is, we must experience pain.
Recent Comments
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Nice post again, my friend Maria,
I agree with what you said. It's true that when things fall apart, and we are left feeling lost and helpless, it's important to remember that kindness and empathy can go a long way towards helping us heal.
Our pain can help us better understand and connect with others going through similar struggles, ultimately leading to a more profound sense of compassion and understanding of the world around us.
Best wishes and a happy weekend,
Joyce:-)
I can't even begin to explain it but -wow. I mean I really do like this reminder, Maria.
Myra 💜
Thank you Myra!
It’s the experience of spontaneous warmth that emerged when we experience pain.
People say it was like that in New York City for a few weeks after 9/11. When the world fell apart, a whole city of people reached out to one another, took care of one another!
Cheers,
Maria 🌹
Completely unexpected words, Maria.
I thought it was going to be about broken bones n stuff. that goes away eventually.
But a broken heart, that endures.
Nice post.
Bux
You and I have experienced that physical pain and discomfort that can open up to a natural warmth, and that the only thing that makes sense is to care for one another.
Cheers,
Maria 🌹
Pain is also a way to open us to a natural warmth of tenderness and empathy. We can stop and look at other people and realize that in pain and in joy they are just like me - they don’t want to feel physical pain, insecurity or rejection. Just like me, they want to feel respected and physically comfortable. Our own suffering can open us to a natural warmth.
Cheers,
Maria 🌹
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Great post Maria, I love it and can totally resonate about the importance of pain in our life if we honor our pain for wisely. My favorite statement about pain is "Always see your pain as your gain, Use your wounds as wisdom to get the best in life.
love lots, Antonette