A Long Journey

bylaurieatg

327 followers

Updated 9 years ago

I left home on May 11th, 2015 and returned on June 17th, 2015. On May 8th, 2015 my brother was dumped at Princeton Hospital in Birmingham, Alabama and left for dead. It was cardiac arrest resulting from a heroin overdose. People talk when people die, I am an energy-worker, shamanic type and have some understanding of kinesiology. The best I can figure out, he was with a person I will not name. Most likely- two people. They shot up, at some point while in the Hanceville- Garden City area my brother went into cardiac arrest.

It was possible to get an EMT crew there in minutes that could have saved his life. However, in Cullman County there would have been an immediate investigation and likely arrest of those people he was with. The person who he was with called his brother, a very "good friend" of my brother going back to high school days over twenty years ago. He advised his brother to take him to Birmingham so he didn't go to jail. Even speeding that's a thirty- forty-minute drive, then he dumped my brother in the parking lot of the hospital and left.

My little brother, Chris was brain dead on Friday May 8th, 2015. The hospital resuscitated him and put him on life support as they were unable to determine how long he had been in cardiac arrest. We were not told he was brain dead yet. They want to make sure, there's lots of tests and such.

My parents having a much shorter drive than I arrived sometime Saturday. They were rocks. My mother's strength amazes me. The timing harsh on May 15th, 2014 my nephew, my brother's son shot and killed himself. He was living with my parents at the time.

I left home (Arizona) on Monday, May 11th, 2015 I was having severe issues with my back and needed to see my doctor before heading to Alabama. A dear friend drove me, then flew back to Arizona so I could have my car knowing it would be a long trip involving many miles for me. I left here at 4p.m. our time (6 p.m. Alabama time). I arrived in Birmingham, Alabama at Princeton Hospital at midnight Tuesday night.

Wow. Thankfully, mom seems much better than I expected. Now to see Chris. Take a deep breath. Breathe. He's not good. Mom says, "I think he has been waiting on his big sis. When I would talk about you his face would relax. His vitals improve." "Chris, I love you, I am so sorry little brother. If you are waiting on me please do me a favor. Wait on our father, I know you never worked things out, but he's on his way, somewhere in southern Alabama. He had to stop and rest but will be here in the morning. If you need to go ahead and go do so, but if you can please wait.

I stayed for awhile. We got to the hotel and to the room around 2:30 a.m. I talked to my parents for awhile. Slept a bit, not much hadn't been able to sleep but a couple hours in the car. My father got there and we were back at the hospital at 9;30 a.m. we waited on him so we could all go together. He took it hard, he wasn't prepared how could you be.

We stayed, ate lunch, stayed. Then left. Mom called and said they needed to rest and wanted to allow alone time for my father and me. I went back that afternoon. My friend from Arizona went with me. He sat in the corner of the room while I had time with my brother. Then I saw two lights pop out of his chest, my friend saw it as well. I thought it was his spirit leaving on communicating to me. My father took his time that night, it helped.

My parents got along well, helpful to me. The next morning I had to take my friend to the airport early. It was Thursday, May 14th, 2015. We were supposed to have an early meeting with the doctors to discuss the tests they had been able to run. They left us alone with Chris until around 11 a.m., we knew. I climbed up in the bed and held him for that time.

The meeting. No brain activity. Decisions. We all were in agreement. I spoke up, Chris had no living will and we all decided to handle it as if it was us. We had already instated a DNR and none of us would want extraordinary measures if in the same situation. We needed to remove the ventilator. When do you want to do it? I looked at the clock a little after 11. At 11;33 remove the ventilator. I want to be there, no one else did. I wasn't allowed in until after the ventilator was removed. 11:40 I climb in the bed with my little brother. "The Tibetan Book of the Dead says whatever you focus on in the moment of death is what you get in the next life. Focus on love and light go to what your heart desires if its Austin go to your son, if it's something else go to that." "I don't want to hold you back in your journey little brother. Unless you can show me a miracle, it's your turn to say goodbye. Usually, it's me getting in a car to go, not knowing when I will see you again. This time it's your turn." They shut off the respirator, his body is shutting down. I repeat what I have said particularly about the Tibetan Book of the Dead over and over. I chant "Om shanti om" a chant for peace. I hold him with my head resting on his chest. I see us in a tunnel and him suddenly propelled to the light. I return to the room. 12:30, May 14th, 2015 my little brother died.

Many knew him as an addict. He was so much more than that. He had a big heart and would do what he could for anyone, despite the seemingly contrary things that might come out of his addiction. He loved deeply. He was highly intelligent, I used to get upset when he could figure out my homework quicker than I could as a child. He could fix anything. He was a good father when he was present, he just wasn't present enough. There are things that drove him to his addiction, to judge without knowing and understanding is unfair. If you were to walk in another's shoes, truly walk in them, do you really believe you would do differently? If so, you didn't do the walk.

He was buried in Illinois two weeks later, I was there for another week. Then went to Mississippi to visit a really good friend back to Alabama and picked up my step-son who is trying to work things out with my husband his dad. My step-son is 26 and will be here for awhile. We had to haul but getting back to get ahead of some pretty serious incoming storms in Oklahoma, due to timing we spent a few hours in Albuquerque and then drove home. Much more to the journey but this post is long enough.

Slowly, trying to reintegrate myself to life and getting back to working on the tings I was before. I am grateful in ways that I would not have believed possible to have been with my brother in his passing from life on earth. I didn't think it would mean that much to me if someone was on life support to have that time, but it did. I was glad to be there to provide strength to my parents who have been through much this last year.

May you walk in the beauty way.