The Vicious Cycle of Depression

Hey ya'll. I haven't been on here in a few weeks. Mostly due to lack of motivation.

I started out with so much hope for my website. I spent hours daily working on it. I was seeing success and making money. But unfortunately I am a perfectionist so everything must be done perfect and anything that deviates from that perfection cases me great turmoil.

So I sent a goal amount to make per day by a certain date. That date came and I wasn't at my goal. That was the start of the cycle.

I tried to tell myself that it was okay to not make the goal and to continue on. But it was too late. My spirit was broken.

You see the thing with being a perfectionist is you kind of adopt an all or nothing attitude. This is very dangerous. I pride myself on being ambitious, but sometimes I'm too ambitious. I'm too hard on myself.

So when I realized I hadn't met my goal I kinda lost motivation. And in losing motivation it led to depression which leads to more lack of motivation. Do you see the cycle?

It sucks. But then something snapped inside of me and told me to suck it up and keep on moving. So I decided to force myself to work even if I wasn't motivate.

The first thing I forced myself to do is write this blog and you know what as I'm writing and letting everything out I'm starting to feel so much better.

It so easy to just give up because you don't see success in the way you want right away. But every day you keep chipping away you're closer to your goal.

So I have realized that I'm a work in progress. I'm working to accept that everything I do isn't going to be perfect and it doesn't have to be. I'm learning to be okay with failure and to not let it get me down. And I'm mostly learning to deal with depression.

A lot of people don't understand it. They think you're just sad and can snap out of it. Its not that easy. Its literally hard to function and its not just about feeling sad. You feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and lose motivation.

Sometimes people can seem so happy on the outside, but they're fighting horrible demons on the inside. You never know what goes on inside someone's head.

Whew! It feels a lot better to get all of of that out. Sorry for rambling on and on guys. Thanks for reading.

Kierra