Rough patch and why I am glad that I do my blog the way I do
So, this week has been an extremely rough week for me in terms of getting anything posted because of lots of things going on at home.
This is about to get personal so look away if you don't want to hear the sob story.
As you know from my profile I am the mother of 4 beautiful children and the grandmother to the most amazing grandson ever. Well, this week I found out that your children can hurt you worse than anyone ever could.
A little backstory....
I am a 38 (next month) yr old stay at home mom. My husband is a truck driver and because of financial issues he has been gone for over a month now to try and stay ahead of the expenses it takes to run his truck (he is an owner operator), we live in a 3 bedroom mobile home on 2 acres of land. Sounds pretty great except the fact that we have 4 children, 2 girls and 2 boys. Still doesn't sound too bad because they can share rooms together. For the most part this works out and at least we have a roof over our heads.
Now lets take those 4 children and add in their ages. We have a 19 year old who shares a room with her 10 year old sister and her 10 month old son and than you have the 13 year old boy who shares his room with his 8 year old boy. Starting to get the picture of what I am dealing with on a daily basis (lol).
Now lets throw in my 20 year old brother who is also staying with us.
Now lets throw in the fact that neither of these adults have a job. I know threaten to kick them out if they don't get one.
Lets throw in that we live out in the country about 30 minutes away from town and one of them doesn't have a vehicle and the other one doesn't have a highschool diploma or GED.
Can you see the stress building up?
Now lets throw in the fact that not a single one of them (including my other 3 children) clean up after themselves even though they have been taught to do so and no that it makes me angry that they leave it for me to clean up.
Well the stress built up and I blew up.
I started yelling at my 19 year old because she had not cleaned up her son's mess after feeding him and everyone just kept stepping on the cereal and spreading it further around the house. She got upset, stormed out of the house, went next door to a friend's house, and next thing I know I have a cop at my door stating he was there as support while she gathered her belongings (keep in mind that I have never hurt my children, I scream at them but I do not hit them). I have never given my children any reason to be afraid of me. I stood by my daughter's side through everything even when she got pregnant at 18, when she had him 2 months early, and everything else that has gone on in her life.
Can you see why my heart was broken?
That happened over the weekend and I spent about 2 days crying. I was suppose to write content for my sites on Monday, but after spending all night Sunday bawling my eyes out and not really having any comfort except for friends words because my husband was so far away and so is my mother. I am still crying as I write this and remember what happened.
Well I was going to write yesterday after I got back from my 10 year old's pageant audition, but as I was about to leave for that yesterday my 8 year old came home with a tiny hole in his cheek from running into a tree. So I ended up spending most of the night at the hospital (thankful that it missed his eye, no stitches just some skin glue).
Not over yet.
Came home ready to get to bed so I could get up this morning and start researching and writing while I do my chat job too and get a Tornado Warning. So we had to get up and leave our home (remember I live in a mobile home) and spent a few more hours out waiting for the storm to pass and hoping that the tornado didn't take our home.
Prayers are answered. Everyone is safe, home is safe, and my son is doing okay.
I slept a little late this morning, but I feel a little more refreshed and going to try and get some writing done today.
I am sorry that this is so very long, but I needed to get all of this out so that I can move on and hope that nothing else goes wrong for the rest of the week, month, year.
I am so glad that I crack out 4 to 7 posts in one day because it allows me to be able to not add more stress in my life when things like this happen. I will be happy when I start making something from my sites so when things do get this bad for me I can take that money and go on vacation for a few days, relax, and recoup.
Thanks for listening. It does help to just write out everything even if other people see it. I am an honest, open book kind of person and what most people would feel is a private matter, I don't because it helps me to move on with my life if I talk about it to others even complete strangers.
I think I will be making another site down the road where people can come and do things just like this without any judgments, just help and advice or just a place they can vent. It helps to know you are not alone!!!
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My heart goes out to you. I know how difficult things can get with your kids. My 19 year old has a history of self-harm and has just come out of a 9 week stay at a psychiatric unit and my 24 year old's marriage has just broken down so she has come back home, (even though we don't really have the room any longer!) If it helps you to rant and rave at people on WA, you carry on for as long as you want! Feel free to PM me if you would like to chat in private :) Chin up hunny bunny!
That is horrible. I don't think I could handle if my kids were harming themselves. I would end up blaming myself like I do with everything that goes wrong with them even though deep down inside I know that I was not the only influence in their lives. Sometimes the outside world influences them more than we parents do. I have anxiety so I worry about everything including my marriage falling apart or my children never speaking to me again when they move out or some horrific accident taking them all away from me or me away from them. I could go on and on about what I worry about, but I try to keep on keeping on.
Thank you so much for the offer of having someone to talk to.
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Kristena, now just hold on one second , you can't leave the story there where is your daughter and where is the child , and did your daughter called the police, on reel . ( yes there has to be a book in this ) by the way living on the other side of the planet the stories the same..anyway maybe W.A will be our saviour
My daughter and grandson have moved out and are now living with her boyfriend's family and yes she is the one that called the cops to stand by her side as she gathered her stuff from my house. I have never hurt my children, so there was no reason for her to believe that I would hurt her or stop her from getting her belongings.
this will take time and lots of it but first thing's first look after your own well-being, An Old Irish Blessing
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.