Surviving Before and After Maternal Loss
I've been going through major ups and downs since childhood. I had a studdering/speech problem during the 70-80's when people accepted the impairment as a mental problem. It was years later when the stigma was lifted when several Hollywood celebrities shock the world by saying they too, had similar speech problems and the fans knew the celebrities didn't have any mental problems. Then I lived through older family members living off their drug and alcohol addictions. Did that situation affect me? Yes it did. I had to protect a sick mother against family members trying to take advantage of her because she was working as a nurse.
My mother had a young brother living with us and his property got stolen as well. Instead of older members taking my side they totally took the drug addicted family member side, correcting me by being angry and sitting me down with lectures. From then on I was accused of having anger problems. I thought, "how can this be?" I sacrificed my younger years (18 to 24) meaning, I didn't go out on dates, meet a future boyfriend or husband or meet new friends because I had to look after my mother who was suffering from chronic heart disease.
My mother was literally my only support when family and friends were against me. She passed away on July 27, 1997 I believe due to health insurance reasons. She had cardiac surgery at night, and the hospital that she had the surgery at, transferred her back to the orginal hospital, the next morning, without due rest, all because she lacked money to give to the hospital. The two hospitals were over one mile apart and she died the next week. My family did nothing, not even try to sue. I knew there was something wrong with this picture. I had earned at least 60 credits at the Long Island University (Brooklyn Campus) but I never returned to it and I even stopped attending church, to take care of her. After all I've done for my mother the majority of my family members pushed me to get on SSI out of the blue. I was shocked. If it wasn't for me doing what I needed to do for my mother I believe she would have died much sooner and even lose the apartment I'm living at now. Even now, I wonder, what would my world be like if my mother was still here and there was no family members subjected to any addiction. My mother has been gone for 23 years. I'm doing Wealthy Affiliate to prove I can do this and that I'm not what my family and friends say I am. I am a survivor and I will get through this.
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Gwen your resilience shines through. You are a survivor. You here in a community that will support you and help you to shine even brighter!! You go for it! :)
Tracy
I appreciate you sharing your story. You have so much purpose and ambition.. it's easy to see from this end. I look forward to your progress and growth because you are INDEED a survivor!
- Ruby
Gwendolyn, I had a taste of some of what you are going through, though I can't say to the extent that you had to endure. It took me a while to get through it. But know this - no matter what your friends and family say, you are not defined by their opinion of who they THINK you are. Neither are you defined by what happened to you and your dear mother in the past.
It is more important that you know who you were created to be. Not the shadow of yourself which has been tainted by the circumstances in your life. The real you has been buried far too long under all the junk from the past.
Thoughts have energy, which can be measured with the right equipment. Change how you think about yourself, and you will change everything in you and around you. There is an old saying - "Whether YOU think you can, or YOU think you can't, YOU are right." The things you are thinking about yourself and the circumstances from the past that were unjust, and unfair and ulgy are robbing you of your today's.
Make a choice today, this very moment, that you are not going let all of this steal your joy and your bright future. Go get a pad of paper and a pen, and write five things that you are grateful for. These can be the most mundane and obvious things. Tomorrow write 5 more things that you are grateful for. Make it a personal mission to write 5 things everyday that you are grateful for.
Next, I want you to get some physical exercise, even it is only for 15 minutes. Gradually work your way up to 30 minutes of physical exercise 4 to 6 days out of every week.
Respect your body by putting only real food into it. Manufactured food and processed sugars can alter your mood and outlook. And drink lots of water.
Make a promise to yourself that you will start thinking only positive thoughts about who you are. Yeah, you will slip and start thinking about the negative things you have been and probably are still being told by the toxic ones around you. Just forgive yourself for slipping back into negative thought and immediately put a check on it. Then bring the energy back up.
Find scriptures that remind you how much God loves you and how special you are in Christ Jesus. Write these verses and other positive, reaffirming sayings and statements on sticky notes and post them around your apartment so you can see them everywhere to remind you and encourage you. You were created for great things Gwendolyn. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29: 11-12 - "For I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you shall call upon Me, and I will listen to you."
I am going to place you in my prayer journal Gwendolyn. I am going to pray for healing in your mind and emotions. Keep looking up for good things are in your future, if YOU think that they are.
Blessings and true peace to you.
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Good for you