Progression in the Realisation of a Worthy Ideal

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5 years ago

Two years ago I decided that my work life and career needed to look a lot different then it did. I was classically stuck in a corporate job, working with people I didn't want to work with and feeling out of place. For the last 8 years I have worked in hands-on technical careers. These are jobs I have been great at. I increased my earnings by 70K in 6 years through constant learning and progression.

It sucks to wake up one day and realize, you have been focusing your time on the wrong things.

When I was 20 I used to say, "I work to live, I don't live to work". How did I end up working 60 hour weeks trying to climb a corporate ladder, I always told myself, I wouldn't climb? How did I end up wearing a tie, when at 18 the one thing I always told myself I wouldn't do, was wear a damn tie? How could I get so mixed up? Was I mixed up? Was I confused when I was younger, or am I confused now that I am older by 10 years?

For most people who know me, they know I take things too far. I am obsessive. I dove into the topics that would help me figure this mess out. I have read countless books, listened to endless hours of audio books and podcasts on the topics of entrepreneurial thinking, habits of the wealthy, habits of the successful, psychology, philosophy, motivation, grit and success. I knew where I wanted to be, however, I just didn't know how to get there from where I was.

Baby Steps

I moved in small stages. I took a new challenge on and started getting licensed as a Financial Advisor. I thought this was an entrepreneurial step and in several ways it was. What I have discovered, after getting my license for Life, Accident & Sickness insurance & Canadian Investment Funds (Mutual Funds) within a 6-month period. That it was a step in the direction of being an entrepreneur, but it wasn't getting me towards the end result I desired. I left a job to be working as an independent contractor, I was still required to show up at the office (financial centre managers were still watching and using presence as a dedication indicator), I was still working 60 hours a week and still fixed in time and place, while clients availability dictated my schedule. I was more of a slave to money than ever before. When your income is almost entirely commission based, you don't say no to someone wanting to meet at 8 pm; you can't. I was making less money per hour in this job, than I had when I was 20. The worst part was, It wasn't even something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. All while going broke financially.

What I Remembered I Desired

I wanted freedom of time and place for my work. I didn't want others to tell me when I would be working or where I would be working from. I wanted to be able to maximize my output and efficiency and judge myself by how much I accomplished in such little time vs. how many hours I put in for the week. I wanted to be my own boss and making all of my own decisions.

Most importantly, I wanted to create. I realized, in introspection one day while asking myself the question that I Posed to myself often. "What the hell do I really want to do? What am I missing? What is a natural skill that I was always told I had that has been underutilized? Where do I find a natural flow?

Then I remembered. The long Corporate technical emails I used to write and get praised for. The written analysis I used to complete and presentations I created. One of my public school teachers telling my mother that I needed to be a writer. I knew the whole time, that I could create quality content, have elaborate, intelligent discussion and explain things better in written word than most. I started writing.

Building Confidence

In the last 6 months I created two free trial shopify stores and never subscribed. There was a voice in my head that was like "yeah, others have done this, you should do it too". Something stopped me both times. I wasn't being creative, I wasn't building anything unique. I wasn't expressing myself and I wasn't passionate about it. I realized I was just seeking freedom.

My first website I have created here is a hobby and something I enjoy. However, I know it's just a warm up to finding my voice, being able to ease into the public sphere and opening myself up indirectly to potential criticism or even praise from others. It isn't exactly self expressive, however, it is becoming a great experience.

I have created 6 educational posts in the last 2 weeks. I have gotten to know the software quickly, completed level 2 training this morning and all while juggling two other "full-time" jobs

The Way Forward

I had a discussion with my manager last Friday. I tried to explain how I wasn't fulfilled and that I had a creative itch and I needed to scratch it. That I couldn't keep putting in full-time hours in something that not only wasn't turning out to be worth my time, but wasn't something I was passionate about doing. There wasn't enough drive behind me to keep me going. He had a few smart remarks when I told him I saw myself building something instead of joining another path of conformity and standard product offerings.

"What? So you're an inventor now?"

I handed in my notice yesterday, despite having no real form of income or any money.

I had been working with a newer brokerage out of Toronto, Ontario. I have been working on developing a corporate strategy, sales materials etc. This has been curbing my need for creativity and building things as a day job. I am building the department and our niche from nothing, which is thrilling. My idea is that this will be a financial stepping stone in order to go all in with web-based earning. Our development utilizes technology to engage our clients and it allows me to work from home which is a 2-hour drive from Toronto.

Is this what I want to do forever? I don't believe so.

I'll continue to use my freedom from time and place to distribute my time across the things that matter to grow my skill in writing and creating while scratching that itch I have.

This post wasn't intended to be very personal. It just happened that way. So I'll post it and consider it a warm up to becoming more open publicly.

Ben