No Blame

Last Update: March 24, 2020

The Adversity Process

Given current world events, it’s not difficult to notice how blame has been laid at many doors and that blaming process has filtered down into the smallest corners of the planet. Yesterday a farmer complained about a family of four out walking. He saw their walk as irresponsible and claimed they could be spreading the virus. Yet people have been advised that getting out in the fresh air is good for us so long as we keep our distance.

As many are aware, I choose to keep fit by riding a mountain bike in remote places. I love nature and the challenge of the ride. It’s food for my soul that contributes to positive mental and physical health. Sadly though, on the back of the farmers' complaint, local police have decreed that riding bikes and walking has been banned except in the immediate vicinity of our homes where we are most likely to “bump” into people. This is even though the national president said in a public broadcast last week, “if I didn’t say it, it’s not true”. He hasn’t said anything, yet the local police are enforcing their latest Draconian rule.

Who Shall I Blame?

Well, the virus started in China and spread from there and the world realized that something had to be done. Some governments have been quick to react, others took a while, some argue, too long. The farmer I mentioned grows grapes that he sells to a consortium who make wine. Modern vineyards have very few employees, most have none and between them they have many thousands of hectares of vines. Very few people profit financially, and few will suffer if less wine is produced this year. France produces 7– 8 billion bottles of wine annually, not to mention what they have “laid down” in storage. Who will suffer if only six billion bottles are produced this year? Consumers, when prices are increased.

Everybody is suffering; my two sons and their partners have been “laid off” without pay. Somebody must be to blame.

In Christopher Avery’s book, The Responsibility Process, he talks about laying blame being an emotional, not a rational reaction. We take advantage of rational arguments we create to justify blaming others for situations.

Erasing The Blame Culture

This is as simple as it sounds but it comes at a price, albeit an exceedingly small price to pay for an increase in personal positivity and vibration. Positive vibrations positively affect others too.

The Price

You will have to stop blaming and refuse to blame others for events that don’t appear ideal.

Yes, it’s challenging because it’s what people do to avoid consequences. The four-year-old didn’t break the cup, his sister did, and on it goes. The blame culture becomes second nature. If Wealthy Affiliate doesn’t produce success, something must be broken. Blame the system.

Blaming is a learned, spontaneous and an almost involuntary reaction when adversity, problems or conflicts strike. We start to think about what we have and what we wish we had.

Would it not be better to recognize when we are blaming and follow that with, “I don’t want to blame”? To do that effectively, we need to constantly monitor our emotions and thoughts.

Four Solutions

Avery argues that every problem and troubling moment is a chance to practice and we can do that by asking questions:

  • Who am I blaming for this situation? Work, relationships. . .
  • How does blaming others stop me from making better decisions and solving problems?
  • How much energy will I use on blaming?
  • How can I catch myself sooner when I blame so that I can move from living with the problem and allowing it to drain my energy to solving it?

Once we stop blaming, we can move forward into a place where we begin to understand justification. We might not like what we discover there but the farmer was worried about his livelihood and feeding his family. The police have been ordered to do what they can to limit social contact and my family cannot work because they are employed in industries that have been suspended.

Bill Gates may have been correct in his 2018 warning that there would be a pandemic that the world wasn’t ready for. There is no value in blaming people for not listening. We must deal with it by applying positive solutions. Blaming on emotions will prevent solutions and potentially cause more blame. Nobody wins if we participate in the blame game.

"When you blame others, you give up your power to change".

(Robert Anthony)

Peace & Love


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GerLeijen Premium
Bang on Steve. The weight of the ‘problems’ at hand are only worsened by adding blame to the mix. Solutions are all I seek, though I must admit there are days I just want to run away 😂 ,yesterday being one of them.

Peace and Love leave little room for blame.

Ger.
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exgrosteve Premium
Hi Ger. Several thoughts come up as I read your comment. "Perspective" is one of them so I will be exploring that one soon. It's challenging to find positive perspective when we are challenged. But there are always solutions......easy to say, often difficult to discover. Choosing love is a start - No space for blame.
Peace & Love to you and your family.

Steve
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GerLeijen Premium
Thank you for your kind words Steve.

Many happy returns.

Ger.
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AlexandraT11 Premium
Yes I think being able to go out once a day for fresh air is vital but some people are complaining as soon as they see more than two people together as it’s not allowed unless you’re a family who lives together.

It’s difficult times but we all have to adjust and listen to the experts laying out the rules for our own good.

Stay safe and keep well.
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exgrosteve Premium
Hi Alex. We have to look too toward our own "expertise". We know what's good for our mental health and that needs considerable care in these challenging times. I know what's good for my physical health and have solutions - there's always a way. Sounds easy in a short comment like this 😊
Staying safe, keeping well and I wish you the same.
Steve
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AlexandraT11 Premium
Thanks Steve
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exgrosteve Premium
Here's a BIG 😊 and a 🤗
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AlexandraT11 Premium
Aah thanks Steve, now I feel better. Sending you one back 🤗
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LatinNomad Premium
I really enjoy your positive posts Steve. You are so right, it is so easy to "blame" others or other organisations. Asking ourselves what we can learn from situations where our first reaction is to blame others, can really help oneself.

Particularly right now. I am now even more sure that joining WA was the right thing to do.

Have a great day.

Trevor
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exgrosteve Premium
We do indeed have some wonderful connections here Trevor. Incredible value and needed more than ever at this time. And, I thought it was just a business network when I joined :-)
Take care & enjoy your day too.
Steve
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LatinNomad Premium
Thanks Steve. Ditto.
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1800CC Premium
Hello Exgrosteve.
Your blogs are always fun to read. Your insightful life wisdom must come from reading and life experiences. When the pressure is on this shows who you truly are. When you really want to blame someone for things within your control, the answer is simple, Check the mirror.
Thanks
Mike
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exgrosteve Premium
Thank you Mike. Your pic reminds me of my dad & me. He had a Norton 750 commando Waaaaay back. Yes, reading, research & life-experience - so valuable and grateful I have it. Education for life and always checking the mirror, it doesn't distort the view.
Stay safe
Steve
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mstewardit Premium
Totally agree with this my friend. Blame is not productive. I used to dwell on everything and look to blame others for elements that were beyond control.

I now concentrate on solutions and self awareness. I am in a much better place. I can't believe they have separated you from the bike.
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exgrosteve Premium
YES solutions are the way Mark. I hope all's well with you & your family over there. Went for a remote bike ride this eve. Not a human in sight. Shhhhhh.
Take care
Steve
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