Working in HR.
HR is different. HR is a corporate function that by design has to rely on spin, is torn between conflicting mandates, and is too often run by people without any sense for business.
Even worse, HR frequently pursues its own agenda by coming up with lofty, idiosyncratic goals (such as “innovative” appraisal systems) that take away valuable employees’ time or prevent the company from running at its best (for example, by meddling in hiring/firing decisions).
Even so, HR always has its rewards. Below are a couple of HR jokes we like to pass around - it sure does get a few eye brow raises!
We put some new signs up in the office kitchen for the staff to see:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
We then advised all staff that they could have 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
...and lastly...the toilet usage got to much:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ' A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with ' B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.
In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the ' trap' door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ' Chronic Offenders' category.
Well, that's a small in sight as to how HR can have some fun!
Enjoy...EJam.
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Hi EJam - I see you are putting my advice to good use!! Well done. I'm proud of you. I love the toilet rules - I did some kitchen ones once...
I was once working in an office where I was the only woman. When I started, the kitchen was - well kind of OK - not perfect, but just so so. After I started, it got progressively worse and worse until it was just disgusting. Each night I would tidy up, do the dishes, wipe off the table etc - at the end of the day - we'd be back where we started.
Finally, I got jack of it and send an email to the entire staff from the CEO to the lowliest lacky on the team.
It was 'sort of' tongue in cheek and sort of not. I put it all as humorously as I could, but the message was loud and clear - I am NOT your mother!!! I will no longer clean up after you pigs. All the food in the fridge that is growing unidentifiable objects will be disposed of. The pile of containers on the table must be gone by tomorrow or I am keeping them. I will NOT put any dishes in the dishwasher that have not been scraped and rinsed etc etc. It went on for an entire page and ended with: if you keep it up, I will be telling all your wives and girlfriends.
Now - it had the desired effect - no-one was quite so revolting afterwards, but I did get a few nasty sideswipes from men who have no sense of humour. But the funniest part was that I got an email from my niece who works in the head office, 3500 miles away, of the same company telling me that 'my list of kitchen rules' was now 'pinned up at head office'!!! I almost died of embarrassment, but it was pretty funny too.