Ever had your ass frozen to a wall?

I haven't written a blog in a long time and I am currently killing time before I have to brave outside to go to a medical appointment. I say brave as it is currently -43C (that's -45.4F for our friends to the south, even too cold for our polar bears and fur seals!) outside with windchill and it's only going to get colder as the sun comes up as our winds will grow from the current 40+km/h.

This has been the coldest stretch we have had in 100 years with cold weather warnings now 8 days in a row. My window is pure ice and I can't even see out. So when was the last time I can remember being this cold? One story comes to mind which I have to head back to my childhood back home.

I grew up on a Tayana 37 sailboat that my parents had custom built in Taiwan. Most sailboats in Canada have what's called a cord haul. This is a fiberglass haul with an insulator between two layers of fiberglass. It helps keep the inside of the boat warm in colder waters but generally is a much weaker haul then traditional straight fiberglass hauls. Since we were sailing all over the world, my parents had the traditional fiberglass haul in our boat to withstand pounding seas, foreign floating objects like logs or even submerged shipping containers that get lost overboard in bad weather.

This was our second boat and we took delivery in October of 1987 which proved to be a fairly cold winter in Canada. All winter long the boat was kept in the water as it's warmer then being up on dry dock. A bubbler system stops the ice from closing in on the haul and crushing the boat. All winter long equipment was installed on to the boat from fresh water makers, radar, other navigational equipment, safety equipment, diesel heaters, hot water tanks, even a washer and dryer for some of the comforts of living on a boat.

That winter we had a lot of problems with the diesel heater as it would keep getting fuel vapor locks and shutting off. It got really bad and inside the boat the haul would begin to sweat with condensation. It got so bad I nearly got electrocuted once plugging in a kettle. It even fried our TV too! As you can tell, my upbringing was a little different by now. At the time my parents were working just quick part time jobs to make ends meet while being back in Canada. They both were working shift work and I was enrolled into a public school.

This one night was severely cold out much like last night. We all went to bed wearing sweatshirts and flannel pajamas with jogging pants over top. My parents left early for work and I was to get myself to school as I always did. Now the heater was working when my parents left for work and the boat had really cooled down inside and the haul began to sweat again. Now you have to picture my room was literally the size of a coffin that you crawled in from the top. My walls were made from teak and my ceiling which was only about two and a half feet from my face was straight fiberglass.

As I remained sleeping and the temperature dropped more inside the boat, all the condensation began to freeze against all it touched. I woke up as my alarm clock always had done. As I came to consciousness, I realized I was being restrained and couldn't move. Most people would panic with this feeling but I was more confused, then I realized I could see my breath so I stopped breathing and listened. I couldn't hear the diesel furnace firing and then I realized how bloody cold I was. Then I could see all the frost on the walls and then I realized the inevitable, My ass and back were frozen to the wall. I couldn't get out of my coffin sized bed and I was definitely was going to miss my bus to school. Then I realized the worst thing of all....I had to pee.

That was the coldest memory I have and today is a close second as the radiator in my room is pumping full blast and it's still freezing in my room and I have not even gotten outside yet. If I didn't need these medications I would skip my appointment all together it's so cold outside. I guess things could be worse, I could have my ass frozen to a wall and having to go pee. If you live somewhere cold, stay warm and bundle up, if you live somewhere warm....I hate you.

Have a great day my fellow affiliates and remember...life can always be worse...it could be something else than your ass that's frozen to the wall.