Hubby Got Fired Today. Ladies, What We Say & Do Now is Our Hubby's Secret Weapon.

(NOTE: We are entering some shaky economic times. Hope you won't need this, but take note just in case) ----I feel it the moment my hubby walks in the door...something isn't right.

Moving from my desk in our bedroom into the living room of our tiny apartment, I am struck by the look of overwhelming shame and guilt on my beloved's face.

More than that though, is the fear. The naked fear. He looks nothing like himself.

I shudder, all my hair standing on end.

"What's wrong, baby?" I ask, bracing myself.

Somehow I already know what is coming but my husband won't meet my eyes. He turns to fiddle with putting down his things on the bar at the kitchen, and whisper-mumbles his reply.

"What was that? I didn't hear you."

"I said I was fired!" he snaps, so loud I almost jump. Now he turns to face me, looking me squarely in the eyes, almost with defiance.

Ladies, this is the absolute WORST MOMENT of all for him on this terrible day! Letting you know and receiving your response or your reaction.

My hubby now bows his head, awaiting his fate...

Ladies, what would you have done in this moment?

If you're like me, I hope you too would have shocked the hell out of yourself instead of reacting the way you might have in the past. Or the way you most instinctively wanted to.

No, my dear sisters, we have to be our best here. Respond, not react.

This is our moment when we show a man what a real woman is made of.

Instead of reacting from a place of fear, blame, anger, or ego, I hope you summoned the will to reach down deep in yourself in that moment.

Deep into your faith, and into your love for this man. Your love for your family and your will to safeguard their future and your happy home life, come what may.

Deep into those vows you made. To love and respect him for better or worse, for richer or poorer. That was your oath. Here is one of your best moments to fulfill it and prove your integrity, your strength, and your worth.

Deep into that reservoir of compassion within you that makes you a most natural woman. A mother. A safe harbor your family can always seek shelter in when the storms come.

Because a storm is always coming, ladies. That's life.

In the movie, It's a Wonderful Life, there is a scene with a sign that reads, "Ask Dad, He'll Know What to Do!"

In moments such as these, we wives and mothers wear a sign, too, and it reads, "Tell Mom (or Tell Your Wife), She'll Understand."

Wisdom and Strength are a man's most natural province.

Beauty and Love belong to us.

And the greatest of all these, remember, is Love.

What you do here will make or break your man, and seal your family's fate for the near future.

In a breath, a zillion thoughts and fears flash through my mind and stab at my heart. I have so many questions, so many fears, so many doubts.

With a power that comes from I know not where though, I thrust them all aside and make a decision: for THIS moment, I am just going to love on my husband and worry about what's going on in HIS head and heart.

After all, I know he just lost one of the biggest pillars of his identity, one of his reasons for getting up in the morning, one of his reasons for living.

The man LOVED his work. He LOVED what he did.

He was so proud of how he had fought and scrapped his way up from nothing to being able to help provide so well for us--double my own income from my work as a florist.

And whether your man loves his work like this or not, it is impossible to understand just how much a man's work means to him. What it means to him to be able to feed his family without needing a handout. Like it or not, men and women are different, and this one is a biggie.

Ladies, men KILL THEMSELVES most often after a job loss like this.!!!

They are overwhelmed by emotions that many of them just are not equipped to handle.

But WE are. We naturally are, we are wired that way as women. It's one of our superpowers. And that's why in this moment, we must handle our men with the utmost care.

Yes, These Are the Times That Try Men and Women's Souls!

So what did I say? What did I do?

I fling my arms open wide, tears coming to my eyes as my heart is breaking for this good man on this most terrible of days, and simply say, "Oh, baby, I am so sorry! I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

His face transfigures instantly with relief, and then at last his own tears come rolling out. He collapses into my arms, and sobs, "Please don't leave me."

Now, I have to laugh through the tears, "Don't be silly! Why would I ever leave you?"

"Cause I'm not a part of something big anymore. You were counting on me to help you get your own business going. Now I've ruined your dreams, too. I can't imagine working for anyone else. I thought I would be here working with these guys and helping our company grow for the rest of my life. I don't know what we're going to do now, honey. I'm sorry I failed our family."

This is hard. Really hard. So badly do you want to say I told you so, or get mad at how careless or selfish he was, especially if he was fired due to performance like my hubby was told he was.

Turns out, it was more about the company just having some trouble and we're heading into uncertain economic times soon, so they like many small companies were just looking for reasons to fire someone to avoid having to pay unemployment. Keep that in mind, ladies.

Whether or not he was fired for cause, it could happen to you, too. It could happen to anyone.

If you think you have money worries now though, you will guarantee your problems are just beginning if you don't summon every ounce of will you have right now to make sure you DON'T show anger, blame, or extreme fear or doubt in him.

I Had Zero Faith In Him, and I Longed to Nag and Scream I Told You So!

My dear sister, I am gonna be totally honest with you...

Just between you, me, and God, I want you to know I was FREAKING PETRIFIED!!!!

And no, I'll admit it, I had not one ounce of faith that my husband would be able to replace that job with something the same or better. In fact, I seriously doubted he wouldn't just sit around and mope and waste time surfing YouTube instead of busting straight into the work of updating his resume and putting himself out there again for a job.

No, I didn't believe in him at all. Shameful, but it happens. I wanted to. But I just wasn't feeling it.

I had been telling him for months he was going to get himself fired because he had grown a bit cocky, and the new company leadership just didn't GET what it was he did for the company like the owner did.

I saw how jealous some of his peers were of him. I saw how he had the highest salary at the company. I saw that they were slowly taking pieces of his work away to cheap hourly employees, but all he saw was how they were expanding his own team and "getting him more help."

How I Transformed My Husband's Fear & Defeat After Losing His Job into Excitement and Action

My spidey senses were on high alert, but he never saw it coming. So when he lost his job, believe me when I say I was dying to lose my you-know-what all over him!

But if I did that, I KNEW I would only be fighting against our family and tearing this man I love down so that he would DEFINITELY not be able to get anything better anytime soon.

So I just encouraged him. It was a Thursday, so I gave him my blessing to just relax this weekend, and go out to hang with the guys like he does every Saturday, and date nite with me like always on Friday. Don't worry about anything til Monday, I said, just relax and recover.

We made a quick tabulation of all possible available financial resources, and the order in which we would call on them as needed, from my pay, to his last check, commissions, tax refund, to finally cashing out a few of our investments if need be. I logged on to the computer and canceled or paused all memberships or subscriptions that could be cut.

I let my angry words be about the company leadership or his jealous coworkers. I told him he was just a luxury his company could no longer afford, and it was obvious given their very weak sales these last six months compared to years past.

I told him anything I felt might make him feel good to hear about himself. I focused on making HIM feel good about HIM. Then, I focused on convincing him this was just God's way of telling him he is now called to something better. Then I do that thing married couples like to do at night.

It worked. In just a few hours, my hubby was relaxed, relieved, feeling totally love, understood, accepted and at peace.

I was a nervous wreck, lol. But I didn't let him know. Not now.

Later that night, I sobbed quietly alone in our bedroom, making sure he could neither see or hear me.

Then I prayed. I told God that I had zero faith in my husband to be as responsible and pro-active as he needed to be now. Please God, believe in him for me, right now. And help him give me a reason to believe in him, too.

I decided to just trust and surrender. Five years from now, I told myself, this would all be just a memory and we'd be fine one way or another.

The Next Day...

Imagine my shock and awe and gratitude when the next morning, I found my husband on fire with excitement! He had thought things through and started touching up his resume.

When the boss who had just fired him called him up to see if he was doing okay (because you see, men KNOW how dangerous this moment can be for a man), that man was flabbergasted (and maybe even just a tad disappointed, lol) to find my husband feeling like he was on top of the world. Like this was the best thing that coud have happened to him.

"A year from now," he said to his old boss, "I'm gonna take you to lunch to thank you for firing me yesterday. You did me a huge favor."

Definitely NOT what that man expected. I was so proud of my man then.

Also,the owner of the company that had just fired him called then and offered to look over his resume for him, and make it really express all he had done for the company.

Then, instead of asking anyone for a thing, my hubby offered to do all he could to help make the transition as smooth as possible for his former employer. There was A LOT that needed to be done to disentangle them from my hubby.

Then, he had been inspired to just start calling up his former clients, coworkers and business associates only to sincerely thank them for the honor and privilege of getting to work with them for the past 11 years.

He asked for nothing, he offered nothing to his former employer and associates than gratitude and cheerful cooperation. yet by the end of all this he'd had 6 offers from various former clients and business associates, plus his best friend was taking him to lunch to discuss potential opportunities at his own company, too. Even my little brother offered him a position!

Ladies, I don't know what you believe, but I just think there has GOT to be a God up there listening to us.

One Week Later...

I asked my hubby today, as he bounced around the house cleaning up, even doing the dishes (that's my job), and making phone calls to close out some last minute contracts...

...had my response to him that day when he came home surprised him? Had it made any difference?

That's when he told me it had made all the difference. He said he had been shocked and numb on the way home. Dreading my response.

He had expected and been prepared to deal with me getting so angry with him, and that he would need to comfort me. All the while he was feeling completely broken inside, but he felt it would be selfish to make this day about him and his needs.

He had been so worried that since he was fired, I would leave him. After all, I'd said this was coming, and he just hadn't seen it. But in an instant he had realized he had been getting cocky and taking his position at the company for granted.

At the same time, he had known deep down he really needed to move on if he wanted to achieve his own business dreams, but it had all been too comfortable.

When I responded the way I did, he said he had been so surprised, he didn't know what to think. He was so relieved and then he just knew everything would be okay.

He said me believing in him so much even after getting fired had made him believe in himself now, too. I'd helped him see the possibilities.

Now, he has all these interviews lined up and so many options, he is just completely excited about taking the next step in his career. He hasn't felt this confident and happy in a long time.

Moral of the Story, Ladybug + an Action Plan For You

If you tear him down now, you only DOOM yourself and your family to WORSE!

I hope this never happens to you and your family, but if it does, no matter how hard it might be, when he gives you the news here are some things you can do to help transform fear and paralysis into excitement and action:

1) Hug him immediately and tell him you are so sorry this happened to him. Remember this is a BIG part of male identity and can shake them to the core.

2) Make sure he is okay and beg him please not to hurt himself - Assure him everything is going to be just fine

3) Focus on loving, listening, understanding and make it all about how he feels, what he thinks, what he needs right now. Take some things off his plate.

4) DO NOT yell, nag, blame, or show an ounce of anger or I told you so to him. The DUMBEST THING you can do right now, woman!

5) Explain how his employer is a fool for letting him go because he was their most valuable asset

6) NEVER let on you have any doubts in him or that you don't believe things will now only get better. Cry where he cannot see or hear you. You can let him know AFTER he gets the new position how scared and full of doubt you were, but not now.

7) DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to make him think you believe in him 100% (even if you don't at all--ask God to believe in him for you)

8) Do not withhold the nookie (crucial)

9) Agree to help him save face by saying he was "laid off" instead of fired

10) Encourage him to spend some time on the weekends with friends and you relaxing

11) Encourage him to dream about the future and think bigger. What does he really want in life? What will that dream require financially?

12) Based on 11, tell him to judge each job like this: Does this position give me the opportunity to provide enough service to earn what I need to get from here to my dream goal? Everything we want is in the hands of someone else, and if we want them to give it to us, we must give them enough service.

12) Have him jump on his resume first thing Monday morning and offer to help him with it. See if the former boss might review it and critique.

13) Encourage him to take the high road with this former employer. He should reach out and offer to help them in any way to transition and thank them for the privilege of getting to work with them.

14) Encourage him to call up all his former coworkers, clients, and associates and let them know he is leaving the company but he just wants to thank them for the honor of having worked with them for so long, and to wish them the best. Tell him NOT to bash his former employer but reassure clients they will be well taken care of and let them know who they can contact if they need anything. Also, that they can always reach him and he would be happy to help. Tell him to seek nothing for himself, only to give his clients gratitude and closure.

15) Remind him that he will 100% be rejected for all the opportunities and questions he doesn't take advantage of or ask. But he *might* have a chance for them if he goes for it. The worst he will hear is "No" and he now has nothing to lose, so just GO FOR IT!

16) Finances: Make a quick game plan, brainstorm a list of all your possible financial resources from paychecks to credit cards to 401ks, etc so you know how to cover bills in the interim. Make calls to any creditors or utilities for payment plans, postponements, or to cut and cancel all you can. Stop eating out immediately and embrace sandwiches, eggs, soups, and rice and beans til the coast is clear. Call in favors to family and friends if you must, no shame in it because people who love you love the opportunity to finally help you when they get a chance.

17) Reassure him you ain't going anywhere. For better or worse, richer or poorer. You love him for HIM, not for his PAYCHECK. You KNOW he will get a new, better position very soon.

18) PERSPECTIVE: 5 years from now this will all be a memory. Make it one you would be proud of. Also, no matter how bad your situation, there are MANY women in the world that would DIE to trade places with you even now. NEVER forget that. What's seems like hell on earth for your life right now is a dream come true for someone else.

19) Tell him you love him and how proud of him you are for any little thing he does every day.

20) Pray for him and yourself. Trust and surrender. Do the right thing that needs doing right now. Be patient. This cannot kill you. You will not end up homeless. You will be better than ever if you meet this challenge like the champion prize of a woman you are.

Hope this helps. Did I leave anything out? What are your thoughts?

If this is your situation my dear sister, feel my arms around you now. We're gonna be okay. You'll see.

XOXO,

Kiddo Elliott