A Desire for Growth - A Need for Change

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Updated 9 years ago

As mobile as most of us are, going wherever we want whenever we want (I've averaged over 3000 miles a month on my car for years - in town), it may be hard to envision being stuck. But that's where I was - running all around, not even realizing that I was STUCK!

Yes, stuck. You know, like, not moving?

Well, I may have been moving (flailing may be a more honest picture), but I wasn't getting anywhere. The problem was, I thought I was getting LOTS of places! But for some reason, I wasn't paying close enough attention to my internal God-given GPS (Goal Positioning System), and I kept finding that I was on these streets that were nice and pretty, but led to big circles, causing me to keep having to turn back around! Great for a Sunday afternoon drive to look at 2 million dollar homes, but not so good if you think you are on a road that is actually leading somewhere besides someone else's home.

The strange thing is how long it took for me to begin to realize that I may be stuck, and then how long it took for me to accept the truthfulness of that idea, and then how long it took for me to discover and push through to a solution!

Now, don't get me wrong. I was looking to grow and change all the while. But sometimes, some of us crafty ones (yes, you and me both...) can actually hide behind our "imposter" image (Thank you, Brennan Manning for that concept) and disguise chaos behind orderly appearance (Hurry - they're almost here! Throw all those papers on the desk in the closet!!).

Oops, I just disclosed my modus-operandi. Chaos. It leaked.

There was my comfort zone. Right there. Call me Pigpen.

I LOVED CHAOS!! (Okay, doc, I said it.)

But, I'm not being entirely truthful there. I still do. You see, when there is chaos, the eyes of other potential on-lookers are, well, distracted! If "they" are looking at all the dust flying around, it's not so obvious where all that dust is coming from, what caused it, or what needs to be done to resolve it.

Here I come to save the daaaaay!! (Pardon me if get somewhat dramatic here...) I've got a solution, I fix the problem, the dust clears, and I can move on to other things.

Now, I'm not talking about causing problems just to fix them. That would be rather dishonest, and that is NOT what I'm describing here. Nonetheless, there are ways of handling things and there are better ways of handling things. For too long, I could not see the difference because I thrived in the chaos and in the affirmation that so often came when I put out this fire or that fire.

(Okay, this is getting WAAAAY to close to home. My knees are feeling wobbly and that weebly wobbly sensation is coming over me...)

What I did finally learn though is that when one has enough chaos they are associated with, whether it was caused by them or by someone else, onlookers can begin to associate chaos with a cause agent, and the person closest by gets the badge of (dis)honor.

I found myself asking some questions of myself. Michael, how clearly can you see when there is chaos flying around? How far ahead can you see? How can you find a solution when you can't even see the problem?

I've got to get rid of this chaos. It is not my friend.

Change only comes when need is recognized and owned.