I can't catch a break

byAlexandraWol

306 followers

5 years ago

My mom always says that bad things come in threes.

This year has been a struggle for me, although a lot of good has come from it the daily battle is still on.

Getting out of a very destructive and mentally abusive relationship got me into trying wealthy affiliate and exploring my passion for writing again, it also ot me on a plane back to Sweden from Australia.

I moved not only back to security from the other side of the planet but I also moved 3,5 hours away from where I grew up and the security of my home. Still battling the tourment that my ex would bring me on a daily basis. Trying to focus on my website and my new job. Things sure got hard from time to time but I was doing my best, I felt like I did not have the energy I needed to work on the website has I previously had so I just allowed it to be.

As the days turned into weeks I finally felt like I was getting the balance back in my daily life. My ex had stopped draining the energy out of me. The nasty comments on my website had finally stopped but somehow the fun of writing had once again turned into something I almost had to force. I do have the passion for it but it got suppressed deep down.

I finally started to feel like I was getting my bareings back and then another hit. I got cancer. I was spending nights just tossing and turning in bed, imagining my family experiencing great moments in life, such as getting married, having children, birthdays but I am not there to experience any of it.

The feeling was horrible.

The next few weeks were packed with x-rays, doctors appointments and different exams.
Just a few days ago I had surgery to remove the cancerous parts. I woke up in pain, nothing helped, the gave me a variety of drugs that were supposed to take the pain away. Nothing helped. Now, a few days later I am feeling better.

I went online, to check the stats on my website, months after the last time I did.
I am amazed that they are looking the way they are. I went online with the purpose of perhaps closing my account down because I do not know if I have the energy but to see that people seem to want to read what I have been writing actually made me feel a little bit better. To see that the purpose of the website was to show people a different way of living and that now is the perfect time.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, the minute you stop believing then all of a sudden nothing will matter. I have not understood how people in severe situations still maintain hope and faith, but it is strange that when you are going through difficult times your faith and believes seems to grown stronger and instead of loosing your way, life begins to have purpose again.

It is ok to take time off, it is ok to say that something is not right for me and it is ok to quite but it is however not ok to give up because there is a bumpy road ahead of you.