Taking a Toddler-Preschooler to Church

bysgaiwalker

55 followers

Updated 8 years ago

So, how do you successfully take a toddler/preschooler to church AND keep your sanity?

Well, one of the smartest things I have ever read in the 1000's of parenting books I have read over my long career as a mother was "don't expect your toddler to just intuitively know what behavior is expected when they arrive at church if you haven't taught them, and THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART: practiced it at home during the week!"

So how do you do that? You start with 10 minutes a day, every day, and slowly lengthen that time. Gather quiet books, crayons, paper, little dolls (silent, not battery-powered dolls that make noise), what ever you want to have available for quiet play in church. Sit down WITH THE TV/RADIO OFF, have your child either sit on your lap or sit by your side while you do something equally quiet, like read or prepare a lesson. Let them quietly play with whatever you have gathered, but do not read to them. They need to learn to quietly entertain themselves while you do something else quiet. Whisper to them and tell them they are going to have to whisper with their church voices. You can make it a game, but make sure it is a QUIET one!

At the end of the practice time, praise them for sitting quietly. (It may take many days, and at first they may only make it 2 minutes, or even less. Any quiet time is a victory and can be built upon.)

When you actually get to church, sit down (I always sat at the back with my row of children so when I had to take them out I didn't have to parade all the way past the entire congregation!) and whisper to them that now they need to sit quietly and whisper with their church voices. Hand them one toy at a time. Don't expect them to make it through and entire hour-long service. They are not going to. When they start being loud, first whisper to them and remind them to use their quiet church voices. If that doesn't work and if they are starting to disturb others, gently pick the child up, LEAVE ALL THE TOYS ON THE PEW, and quietly walk out into the foyer. Sit down on whatever seating is available, hold the child on your lap with your arms firmly around the child, and tell them quietly that they need to sit and be quiet. Do not visit with other parents who maybe out with their children. That sends the wrong message. The other parents may be allowing their children to run around and be noisy. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO DO THAT. The point of taking them out is NOT to allow them run run wild. That only creates a child who will act up in church so they CAN be taken out to play. The point of taking your child out is that being out is NOT FUN. It is more fun to be able to sit quietly in church with whatever quiet toys you have brought along. ALSO, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT, this is not a punitive, punishing time. You do not shout, spank, or even use an angry tone and words. It is simply a QUIET time and WAY less fun than sitting quietly church. After they have sat quietly on your lap, with your arms firmly around them so they can't wiggle and get down, just ask quietly if they are ready to go back inside and sit quietly with their toys. They will ALWAYS say "Yes." Get up, go back inside the chapel, sit down, hand the child a toy and whisper that you are proud of them for wanting to stay in church and remind them they have to be quiet and use their church voices if they need to tell you something.

You may have to do this multiple times during a single church meeting, week after week. Don't become discouraged. They will quickly learn that it is better to be sitting quietly in church with quiet toys to play with than sitting on your lap restrained, with nothing to play with. Pretty soon (and I'm talking months if not years) all you will have to do is whisper to them "Do you need to go out, honey?" Unless they have a legitimate need like needing to use the bathroom, they will soon stop making a disturbance, tell you "No, they don't want to go out." and settle down.

About the bathroom. MAKE SURE THEY PEE JUST BEFORE CHURCH. Little toddlers just becoming toilet trained may need to go out to the bathroom. Hard to argue with a toddler who wants to go use the toilet. Quietly take them out, go straight to the bathroom, help them finish their business, wash their hands, and go straight back into church. On the way, quietly tell them how good they were to not go in their underwear. Do not linger outside. Go straight back in.

What if you get them to the bathroom, and they can't pee? Kids are SMART. That child is using that excuse to get out of church. When that happens, go straight back into church and on the way tell them quietly that that is unacceptable, they can only go out to the bathroom if they REALLY need to. By the time a child is reliably toilet-trained and can stay dry all day (not necessarily all night), if they pee successfully just before church, they can be expected to be able to hold it for an hour during church.

What about snacks during church? You will see many parents hauling out Tupperware containers of Fruit Loops or Cheerios. Unless you child is still a baby and needs a bottle, we decided after several children that making sure they had something to eat just before church was just as important as taking them to the bathroom, and the mess they made with the snacks just wasn't worth the trouble, so we didn't use snacks as one of the toys or tools for keeping our children quiet.

I welcome your comments and questions.