10 Beautiful Ways to Reclaim Your Life After the Death of a Child
1. Live in the now. Stay attached to other family members by sharing feelings, listening to each other, talk about the child's life (versus the death)
2. Rent or purchase a helium tank and balloons big enough to write messages on them. Any time you want to send the message, release the balloon and watch it disappear into heaven, focus on the thought the message is being delivered to your child. Have the family members participate.
3. Blow bubbles anytime, watching them float out of site. A small container can be kept with you no matter when or where you are. Send mental messages as you blow the bubbles.
4. Make a medicine bag. Gather small stones, or small objects that remind you of memories of your child. When you feel you need to be closer to him/her, hold your medicine bag in your hands.
5. Ask family and friends to write about what they recall life was like with the child (maybe a poem, maybe a song they heard, any pictures of the child participating in events with them.) Put these together in a (Child's Name) Story Book.
6. Plant a garden or a tree, tending it, watch it grow in honor of the child. If you plant flowers, cut a bouquet when the flowers are ready, imagine your child helped you care for these flowers/tree. (the child is with you in your memory and in your heart)
7. If the child had t-shirts, inquire who in your community can make a T-Shirt Quilt. If the child was smaller, add t-shirts from other members of the family. When the weather changes, wrap up in the quilt, imaging the child is in your lap, put their arms around you.
8. Plan an activity when you have history dates. Maybe the family can do something the child liked doing. Discuss what he/she use to do when you did this activity. Share feelings, stories you recall, allow yourself to laugh.
9. On a weekly basis, take personal time for yourself. Have a manicure, pedicure, your hair done, go to lunch with a friend.
10. Join an organization that is advocating for the cause (whatever was the reason for child's death) Maybe education, maybe funding to support research. Use the energy for your child in a positive way to help another child.
11. Memory quilt Make 10" squares out of white 100% cotton fabric. Ask individuals who were in your child's life to decorate this square. The squares will be sewn together and quilted. Hang the quilt for all to see in your house. Memories help you keep the positive memories of your child's life in the present.
12. Plan and take a vacation where your family including the child went before. Remember what fun you had. Feel the excitement as you recall what the trip was like.
Personal Account: As Stepmother who lost a 29-yr old stepson to suicide 10 yrs ago, I can say I have done most of the above items to help heal my grief.
Sharon
Recent Comments
24
I cant even imagine the pain of losing a child. But the person who has lost a child most cope and go on with life. At a personal care home I worked at some families decided to donate a rose bush to be planted in memory of their loved ones. Good strategies for coping. Thanks.
Ten years later, I still see the gray cloud every once in a while.
But having our new granddaughter and grandson has helped.
Thanks.
Sharon
Sharon,
I'm sure the pain will never go away but these are wonderful ideas to cope with a child's death and to honor his/her memory.
Thanks. Time passes but to get back into life is the hard step. The other family members suffer more if we don't.
Sharon
Sharon,
I can only imagine what it's been like. I still remember how I felt when I lost my first child. I was 7 months pregnant and we were devastated. We were blessed to have three more after that but you never forget. I still honor his memory every year.
I hope peace will come to you as it has to me.
Erica
Dear Sharon,
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss you've had to deal with. Your suggestions are absolutely beautiful and I know they will help many others who are suffering from the loss of a child.
I wish you many blessings,
Anna
Thanks, Anna. I have given this list to some of my patients hoping someday they can do a couple of these.
Thanks for the blessings.
Sharon
I know of this with one of mine Sharon and the best clopping is the sure and certain knowledge that you will see them again in the eternities.
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Hello Sharon,
Dealth of a child is devastating. I lost my older son in 2010. It seems like yesterday. I really appreciate. All of your sayings are so reviving. Although it has been about six year now, I still recollect. Memories of him especially in my dream.
I truly understand what grief you are dealing with. It last for a long time. During that time I could have. Move through the moments. Perhaps a lot easier.
I am so sorry for your lost and I am in your prayer everyday.
Cheers and Laughter
Louisab
Thanks for your prayers, Louisab.
Those days when it is the hardest, I just do 1 second at a time.
My husband has had many sessions of EMDR to help him with the stuck feelings of grief. I have had some brain mapping done as well. I don't our other children to suffer because we can't seem to make it in life with our child.
We also have 11 grandchildren and they feel the effect as Pa isn't as active with them. They don't understand.
Thanks for sharing.
Sharon