A bit of Depression

For the last 6 months, I've been dealing with a good bit of depression.

It started a bit after I moved to NC to live with my Fiancé and his family. To be honest, I was happy there. I was living with the love of my life and I got to see him every single day... The problem was .. I was just plain homesick. I missed my family and friends back at home. Very much so. I can honestly say I was starting to feel a little guilty, too. The hotel job I had was beginning to suffer as far as reviews and scores go. I didn't initially have a job when I first got there, but eventually ended up having 3 job offers in mid February. It was then, though, that I was trying to see if my Fiance would maybe consider moving to my home state of Alabama.

Before I continue, I need to stress the fact that my fiancé has Asperger's syndrome. He has a few quirks (i.e. He loves video games more than I do, and when a new game that interests him comes out he talks about it for weeks.), but aside from his quirks (which I do adore!), I would always forget. Sometimes he would have to remind me and then I'd feel bad. Had he not told me, I probably never would have even known.

On April 8th, I moved back to Alabama in thinking that he would visit in May and THEN move here when he could. But, instead we took a break, and then of course this depressed me even more. I wouldn't have left had I known that the break was going to happen. I would have just made plans to visit my home state instead. We're back together now, and I'm working on going back... I just have to save up for a car to do so (I flew in when I last moved there.)

After doing a lot of thinking about him, I think that I've come to the conclusion that it's also hard for him to accept such a big move. I wish I had thought about that beforehand. I was so selfish and foolish to not consider that he may not deal with the change so well here. Not to mention it's always super hot outside. And the humidity! Dear Lord! His allergies would be REALLY messed up.

A friend at work has been telling me that I should consider going to a doctor to be put on an anti-depressant. I know that this is not something I want to do, but all I've done is cried, prayed and hoped for a cheap reliable car to cross my path (I have also been looking on Craigslist.). I try to keep a positive mindset about my moving back, as it excites me. But as of late, I have these really intense days in which I spend crying. And everything is JUST FINE! So, this makes me question whether or not I need to actually try to go to this doctor. This same friend that suggested I go to a doctor (along with my fellow co-workers) do NOT want me to leave, though. My manager treasures me, but also knows that I'm trying to learn what I can about affiliate marketing. (She even encouraged me to create the hotel website that I have!). This IS something I'm wanting to turn into a full time career. (Note that! CAREER). This and YouTube (although I feel that most of my success will be here)

I'm sorry that this post is so long. I just feel as if I can trust everyone here.