Ambition & Fear - Working Though The Wall

bySaraElliott

275 followers

5 years ago

The thing about having ambition is that it isn't a skill. There is little to be done when you just have it. You have to employ a whole other set of skills to actually turn ambition into something worthwhile.

There are SO. MANY. THINGS. I want to accomplish and have and do and see. There are mornings I wake up full of positive and productive intentions, days where I fill page after page with ideas and topics and projects, nights where my brain refuses to shut off and let sleep recharge the batteries.

And then...it fizzles.

You know the feeling, right? I can't be the only one who has felt the stinging flash of "I should be doing xxxxx" and then, instead, I allow the Mental Exhaustion Zombie to take over and lead me into a state where housework and mindless tv kill any creative juices that might be sloshing around.

My mental exhaustion zombie is named Fern. She withers under any kind of heat or pressure - not because she doesn't have what it takes to go all the way, but because Fear holds her back.

Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of waiting. Fear of never having all the thingsI promised myself. Fear of disappointment.

I have enough ambition to fill the Grand Canyon - and yet, when actually confronted with opportunity or the chance to prove myself, I back down. I back out. I hide my light and forget what incredible things I am capable of.

Since being chosen to participate in the SAC, I have spent less and less time on WA - granted, there have been 2 deaths in the family since that first email and a million things to do that are a direct cause of those deaths, but there has still been time in my day for focusing on building out a website or creating a peice of content. I have chosen to spend that time in the basement, huddled under a blanket, eyes glued to Instagram while the television blares canned laughter at me,

But, not today.

Today I am sitting here at my desk, bathed, dressed, all caffinated up - ready to spill my ambition all over this computer until it seeps into the energy of the big, vast, internet itself.

Ambition and Fear are cousins - it isn't uncommon to see one pop up at the others events. Fearful about heading off to college or university? Ambition tends to show up and give you a push in the right direction. Feeling like you are wanting to give up corporate life and become a film director? Fear is gonna come a'knockin and tell you to grow up.

The best way I have found to work around the walls these two emotions can build, is to 1) keep reminders handy - little notes of motivation that I can refrence throughout the day. I actually have my all time favorite saying tattooed on me "Per Ardua ad Astra" - Through adversity to the stars. (I have begun repeating this to myself whenever I feel Fern trying to sneak in and take over!) and to 2) focus on grattitude. Being grateful and holding space for grattitude leaves NO room for fear. It is literally like a magic spell - whenever I become fearful about my abilities or opportunities, I start listing off things I am grateful for and within a few minutes I am feeling much better about the direction of my life and what I need to accomplish to propel me forward, even if "forward" is just one tiny step.

The only way out is through...and once I break through to the other side, am I really going to want to go back?

I think probably not.