What do I want to accomplish in the next 10 days? -Done!

byPluto24

164 followers

Updated 9 years ago

At the top of my "What do I want to Accomplish" list (remember that "non-monetary goals" assignment?) by June 10: To learn more about myself and what motivates me. I actually completed this late last night.--It was my Ah-hah moment. This was a difficult task for me personally because I really had to be brutally honest with myself--and sometimes fear keeps us from looking within.

I come from a family that make attempts at achieving goals, but then give up and never follow through. Many of them got so close at achieving success that it physically hurts me to think about what could have been. That was what was modeled for me growing up... and I continued the cycle. Worse, I never let my babies know what my goals were so that when I gave up on them they would be none the wiser. It was my way of shielding them from my personal fears.

In 1985 I faced a turning point in my life and it put me on this long and arduous task of turning my life around. It was while completing a personal excavation assignment that I found myself on Vince's site and then here at WA. So why did it take so long? That's how badly negativity was ingrained in me. I had to work on myself while living my life and raising kids, but I NEVER gave up.

Almost three years ago my family had to move. I saw it as a sign and began to put in place a framework for starting a new business--and just as I was feeling on top of the world...I tripped! Literally...while taking boxes upstairs to my bedroom my toe caught on the lip of the top step and I was catapulted straight into a wall, cutting open my scalp near the forehead. What followed was a nightmare.

The cut became infected and nine days later I was blinded by my swollen eyes. They had gotten so big my lids were forced shut. I looked like one of those fishes with the big googly eyes! I can laugh about it now, but I was frightened back then. My hair began falling out in clumps, and half of my head, including my forehead swelled enormously. No one would have recognized me. I looked like a monster. The knot between my eyes grew to the size of a golf ball and my doctor became concerned. I ended up visiting his office twice a week for the next month and a half. It was during one of those visits that he discovered a cyst forming underneath my scalp. He literally had to squeeze my head to get it out. The pain was excruciating but now the healing could begin.

In the months that followed I suffered from headaches and dizzy spells. I couldn't sleep because of the pounding in my head, and the pain killers only served to dull the ache. It was going to be a long uphill road to recovery. And it was about to become even longer.

About 7 months later, I wanted to surprise my husband with his favorite dessert, flan. While I was pouring the hot sugar into the mold I had a dizzy spell that was stronger than what I had been experiencing, it was enough to rock me back onto my heels. The problem was that I still had the pot in my hands with the sugar pouring out...right onto my left foot! I could not believe the pain.

Hours later I was back in my bed with my foot bandaged and given strict orders not to move without help. The doctor said that I had sustained third degree burns. ...What was happening to me?! I felt helpless, and stupid, and all the old negative feelings began to resurface. I was an emotional and physical mess.

But you know that old saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And I was not going to give up. Needless to say, I've spent the better part of these past 2 1/2 years healing, not just my wounds but my spirit as well. I began to watch every possible positive affirmation video that I could. I read self-help books like they were candy, and through doing the exercises I discovered and named what my fear was--loser. I was afraid of being a loser and that was the theme that ran in the back of my mind all these years until now.

It took some work but I've replaced that awful word with courage and my stated goal is confidence. I know who I am, I know whose I am, and I have purpose. My motivation is: life! And I'm going to live it to the fullest.

Here's to everyone's purpose and success!