An idealist at heart
Published on April 15, 2016
Published on Wealthy Affiliate — a platform for building real online businesses with modern training and AI.
Me: My names Orlando and I'm an idealist.
IA crowd: Hi, Orlando, welcome to Idealists Anonymous.
Me: I know the glass isn't half full... or half empty. I know the glass isn't even empty, the glass is a funnel which we pour our water into so that the sneaky crowd under the table get to drink for free.
IA crowd leader: Very good!
Me: All the same, I can't stop myself secretly wanting to be an idealist...
Him: That's because you're addicted to delusion. It's a drug. Idealism: As sweet as sugar but as unforgiving as cocaine! Tell yourself: reality sucks! Live in the real!
Me: Actually, I was thinking of trying online marketing...
Him: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Man, you are seriously messed up! Here at Idealists Anonymous any ray of hope, no matter how hairline, is completely banned! Remember our slogan: 'There's nothing new under the sun'.
Me: I went premium on WA!
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Him: What's that mean? Wacked-out Anonymous? HAHAHA! Or should I say "PMSL"
(AI members laugh too hard)
Me: Wealthy Affiliate, it's like a cross between a social network and a university for entrepreneurs...
Him: Ohhh, we're an 'entrepreneur' now, are we? Going round searching for your 'niche'? Keep dropping French words like that and before you know it you'll be calling yourself Françoise and eating Brie with a woman called Amelienne! On a bicycle! In a stripy shirt!
Me: I probably won't use that many French words.
Him: Don't you know that absolutely everything online is a scam? Google it. You'll find every Tom, Dick and Harry has written a review saying that they know someone whose dog knew a man's hamster whose uncle's neighbour's brother-in-law was once scammed by Wildly Effeminate!
A different AI member: I thought he got scammed by Healthy Invertebrate...
Him: He was scammed by absolutely everyone! He got scammed by himself, he was that gullible!
Me: So what is the objective of Idealists Anonymous?
Him: It's really simple: blame everyone else for our lack of success so we can spend the day binge-watching Netflix without feeling guilty.
Me: Yeah, I figured as much. I think I'll go back to being an idealist.
Him: You'll be back.
Me: Let's hope not!
Him: D'oooh! You said the H word!!!!
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