Earned a badge!

Well, I earned a badge. A dedication badge. For 6 month being a Premium. As much as it should bring joy-it brought mostly a feeling of guilt, a feeling of failure. Yes, apparently I’ve gone Premium with a yearly subscription half a year ago! After being a member for three weeks. That totals in almost seven month! What have I really accomplished in those 7 months? Not much, I must say. I am doing the level 3 of the training, well, finishing it actually, but still, it’s only 3.

What was I thinking? I expected to work two-three hours in the morning, before work, two-three in the evening, after work. I was so sure I’ll be somewhere by this time. I did not mean actually earning, but being on a right path for it in a not so distant future. Having a site full of wonderful content and lots of it. Instead, I published 8 (!) posts so far and one review, which was a task in one of the trainings. I thought I could talk about the niche I chose endlessly, as I am also working in it. Instead I find myself doing all kinds of thorough, long researches before I write even a paragraph. Somehow, I have to be sure any information I put in is absolutely accurate and confirmed from different sources. And it is so time-consuming. Let alone I do not have always the time after work I thought I will and sometimes even the strength to do as I planned. I know I am supposed to take this in my own pace, but, the thing is, I never believed this was my pace! I’m obviously doing something wrong, I just don’t know yet what exactly it is, but I’ll find out. This badge, as much as it was intended to honor me, and I am kind of grateful for it, actually ashamed me, as it clearly shows how little I’ve accomplished in such a long time.

I’m not writing this to seek comfort for my failure, or anything like that. I only had to pour out this awful feeling. Also I needed to make a public commitment to improve my learning pace, and really and truly do my best to add a lot of great content to my site and achieve some real accomplishment recognition.

Thank you for reading and feel free to hold me accountable for what I promised.