Nine to the Sixtythree
"You said you wanted to go!"
:I know but I just dont want to".
"MAN YOU ALWAYS DO THIS."
:I just dont wanna go."
How many times have I had that conversation? Innumerdable.Times I didnt go to school cause I just felt "weird", happened so many times became frequent enough thatt people said Marks so weird.
I always thought it was so weird to get suspended from school for cutting class. You didnt go to school so now you cant come back. Thats really dumb for school administrators.
I started getting angry. Everyone is so stupid.why cant they leave me alone. That quickly turned into a sense of withdrawal, anxiety. Depression. No excuses, I just dont care. About anything. And now I can only look at the floor when I go shpping.
"Dont look at me, Dont talk to me.
"Thatll be $3.99, she said."
I
"Okay", dont look at me.
People have said to me why dont you just change your mind. Or just tough it out People like you are weak. Cant you just take a pill?
As a matter of fact one can take a pill or two or three. Sometimes one SSRI just wont cut it. And how about the one that boosts the effects. Effects that sometimes are not so pleasant. Side-effects are what they call them. Dry-mouth? Cotton man.Appetite? You dont need one. Well how about, you know? I do know, nothing there.
I think its all in your head. My own wife tolerates my moods like Im some kind of prima donna. As if I could have a choice. For once I could choose to feel good. You think? No I prefer being a burden, changing my mind at the last minute.
It happens anyway, you know. There will be weeks (weeks!) mind you when I feel normal. Although what normal is is a long ago memory. This is the status quo for me. My normal.
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