Gratitude Four Week Reflection - Heaven, Or Hell?
Do you ever have those times in your life where they either drag on much longer than you feel they should- while at the same instance looking back you can't believe that it has only been a month? The last four weeks have left me with a lot to reflect on. Was it Heaven, or Hell? Or, might it all be up to perspective?
One Month Mark With Wealthy Affiliate
I found Wealthy Affiliate about a month ago, right at the beginning of August. I had previously scoured the internet for hours that easily stretched into days, and in some cases weeks- all to find what I was looking for here in one place.
It was at this point in my personal life that things got turbulent. Those not living through 2020 might not understand the extended stress and drama that comes with living with so many unknowns on a daily bases. For those that are reading this at publication- no more is necessary to be said. We are all dealing with turbulence in our lives in one way or another- August just happened to be 'my month.'
While I was ecstatic that I had finally stumbled upon nearly all the answers I was looking for...
Life Hit Hard
Punch after punch, knockdown after knockdown- August felt like it for me. I was ready to call it quits, lick my wounds, and go apply for a "real job".
(Can we call these "real jobs" "Essential Jobs" now? Shout out to all the gas station attendants, grocery store cashiers, and fast-food workers--- as much of a joke as it may seem in the future, they deserve to be recognized as Heroes. Honest to god they kept us as sane as regular as was possible during this hard year. Imagine how much harder it would have been having not had them out there working their asses off for minimum wage? They deserve Hazzard Back Pay! Alright, rant over.)
The "beating" I took in August wasn't even all work-related, yet it was debilitating me on the professional frontier as well. If I hadn't had to withstand this kind of "abuse" before in my life, I never would have been strong enough to see it through to the other side like I am while writing this.
Work Side
Life can be a rollercoaster. In July the ride was up and down, high and low, "normal" to a certain amount. Then at the beginning of the following month, I discover a wealth of information and resources for starting my business up- and in my personal life August felt like the rollercoaster ride had derailed from the tracks and I was freefalling while everyone else I was riding with was still on track and safe.
Like a good employee, I showed up to work every day. Or tried to. Whether I work for myself, or I work for someone else, I work hard. It is how I was raised, it is who I am, I do not know another way. When I get up in the morning, I feel like a workhorse, get up, and go.
That wasn't how August was. Here I was, with answers I had been looking for available at my fingertips, and I could barely muster sitting in my home office chair. It was embarrassing, to be honest. I did not feel like myself, and I wasn't sure how to get back to that. Things have looked bleak in my life like this before- personal experience told me to hold out a little longer, the light was coming, and it would be bright. I wasn't wrong, and I am only just beginning to open my eyes.
Personal Aspects
Two childhood family friends passed away in August, totaling five deaths of friends and loved ones just in 2020 alone. Despite the occasional sun and warm weather here in Western Maine- the whole month felt permeated with darkness. I didn't know who to reach out to, who might understand, or who might have room in their emotions to handle such a... mess.
My partner pulled through and showed me affection, nurturing care, and unconditional love.
That was something that stunned me. I was bred and raised by those that professed to "Love me unconditionally"- yet their 'love' paled in comparison. In August I realized that my disabled (he only has one-eye), queer, Bostonian man knew more about love than most of the religious institutions I was brought up under.
Unconditional love wins every time!
Figuring It Out With A Community
August was not easy- but I learned a lot. The lessons were not easy and they did not come cheaply, but I do believe I paid less now than I would have had I ignored it and tried to pay the piper later.
At home, my partner nurtured my broken wings back to full strength- and in time, I hope to find- better than before.
At work, Wealthy Affiliate and the Community here uplifted me, brought positivity and hope into my day, and was there ready and willing to answer any of my questions. When I say thank you, I genuinely mean that I appreciate this space and the individuals that comprise it.
Talking to one another via screens, whether on video or in text, can, at times, I have found, de-humanize, or at least, de-personalize, the individual on the receiving screen. I think that should stop, and I believe unabated it will disturb the future outcome of technology and how we communicate over it.
Born in 1990, I was raised to look the person speaking in the eyes, wait your turn to talk, hold your tongue if you don't have anything nice to say; however I was also raised with the world wide web- while I was going through my awkward teenage years, so was the internet and handheld technology as we know it today.
Not even two decades later and the very individuals that instilled such deep grained ideals of polite communication and respect in all areas of my life are the ones that have seemed to lost their way "online" and have no etiquette of what it means to be a decent person anymore. Trying to comprehend it, I have come to the conclusion I would need a psychology degree if I wanted to truly understand.
That being said, what it means to be a human, and how we might "do it better" have been asked for eons and is a truly endless pursuit. As the world expands and changes, humans will grapple with adapting- our questions should be, rather, is adapting with technology an inevitable outcome, or a man-made design? Does it even matter, and what might you do differently for each answer, if anything at all?
Thank you WA Community for helping me find my way when my footing was bad-
Lawrence M
Recent Comments
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You are very insightful and expressive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about your journey. "Unconditional love...It wins every time."
Thank you for the comment! It is hard to know what is personal and too personal these days. But communities are there for one another, and technological "communities" definitely count nowadays!
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Ahh that incredible politeness and culture is what keeps me in Asia, and it seems to be that way where ever - be it Thailand, Malaysia or Vietnam the 3 places I have lived in.
It really is a world of difference over here.
I really enjoyed my travels in Asia, although I would love to go back and spend longer and travel to a few more places. Asia is wonderous and ancient, two of my favorite things! ;)