Life is a journey

bykennywanda

40 followers

5 years ago

Life happens! Each day is a new day, you can not change yesterday, you have no idea about tomorrow, you have only today, it is a gift and that is why it is called "the present"! What will you do with the present you have been gifted? The choses are unlimited, but you have to choose, there is no way out of that choice. The day will continue, there is absolutely no way of stopping it, so why not choose wisely rathere than just floating through life. The journey, called life, can also be whatever you choose it to be, so again the choice is yours and no one can choose it for you. Make it great. No doubt there will be hard times, sadness and hurtful moments, but even in those times you should try to find the joy. There are lessons to be learned and it is so important to get those each time, as the Creator will continue to put you through those same lessons until you do. Just always remember, I WIN OR I LEARN, BUT I NEVER LOOSE! G-d did not create Loosers, but winners who learn what they live, and live what they learn.

I believe it is important to enjoy the journey, and be grateful for the lessons you are learning. G-d never gives us more than we can handle. If it seems overwhelming, just know at that very moment, G-d knows that you can do it and you will survive and He totally believes in YOU! Believe in yourself, and great things can be accomplished. Always not that you are not alone, even in those moments that you feel completely alone, that is when He is holding you up and carrying you through the toughest times of your life! I have been through some of those tough times.

That being said, the toughest time of my life thus far, was the loss of my youngest son. Rauli Tabor was 12 years old when he lost his battle to Cystic Fibrosis. He was my youngest child of four. One daughter and three boys. He was a fighter, and the sweetest soul you would ever meet. Even through all his pain and difficult times, he was always smiling and always thinking about me. Even as he was on his lasts breathes, he was worried about me. He wanted to make sure I would be okay. And as I watched him, I myself wondered, would he be okay on the otherside? What would he see, and who would be there for him? As I wonder all of this, G-d gave Rauli the words to tell me so that I would be comforted and understand he would be fine. He was on life support, but I would not let them sedate him. So he was able to still do all the things a little boy could do in an PICU hospital room. So those last couple of days he just lay in his bed not moving much, and on one of those days, as I was wondering what ly in store for him and what he would see....he reached out and touched my hand and said, "Mom, you know what I see when I close my eyes? I go to a happy place, where there is everything!" I just looked at him and smiled and inside tears where flowing and my heart was full, as G-d allwoed him to ease my fears of him being sad and alone. He told me to give all his things to someone who would need them and so I did. I kept his favorite racing car, as he raced the RC cars and in a gallon plastic bag I kept the clothes he wore into that hospital....now and again, I open it and it still smells of him.

Rauli was such a smart boy, and I always said he was a very old soul. As I was a single mom of the four of them and there where a lot of tough times of paying bills and buying groceries and keeping a roof over our heads. But when there would times I didn't have enough money to buy groceries, Rauli would tell me where to find money he had hiden for a rainy day so to speak. He would save the money given to him for birthdays, christmas and whatever else a family member or relative would give him...he truly was an old soul.

When Rauli and I first arrived by helicopter at the PICU in the Dallas Cook's Childrens Hospital he was put immediately on life support as his oxygen level was at 11%, a normal one for him was around 93-97%. The doctor who had been taking care of him in our home town, was not following the protocol that was set up by his CF physician at Cook's. This doctor had taken it upon himself to do what he wanted to do, as he was angry with me. We were taken to Cook's as I threatened to sue him, and so after a I said those words suddenly through the storm going on outside, they were after all able to get a helicopter to us. When they arrived the nurses came to me and told me they were not told he was in such a dangerous state as they don't care the equipment to provide him the amount of oxygen he would need. I told them I am willing to take that chance as they are not helping him where we were. So they strapped him in the helicopter and I got in and away we went. Somewhere about half way to Dallas, his oxygen level go very low so I explained to the nurse that if he was able to sit up and hold him under his arms it would help. He said it was against the rules, but he would do it...he unstrapped him and stretched him up and his levels got better. Once we landed and they had to strap him down again, it all dropped and when they got him inside his oxygen level was at 11%. They put the tube down his throat and saved him. After about 2 weeks there, it was decided he would be able to breathe on his own again, though they had never seen someone come off the tube and live it was time to do so. Again, I did not let them sedate Rauli while on the life support equipment, so he was able to move around once strong enough, feed himself, go to the toilet, play and yes essentially using his breathing muscle to breathe as well on his own. So a lot of nurses and other doctors came into his room to witness a feat they had not seen done. He was wide awake as the pulled the tube from inside him and he coughed and breathed....he was fine!

There was procedure that they could do to go in and wash out the lungs to help him. So with Cystic Fibrosis the mucus in the body gets very thick as the cells of the body do not have the way for salt to reenter the body when they sweat, causing the thick mucus to line all the organs and that is what causes them to eventually die. Rauli had caught a germ that is like a common cold to normal immune systems, but to those who are at high risk, it is very life threatening. And he had gotten it. So washing the lungs might be helpful in getting it cleared out. The problem that happened when they performed this procedure was they poked a whole in his infected lung. The other lung was still completely clear of the mucus and the germ. But once they poked the whole, it began to deflate causing the germ to be forced to the good lung. He was now with only one lung and it now was being taken over by the germ.

Around the end of the week the doctor told me what was going on with the good lung and that we wouldn't make it much longer. Now it was the worst news a mother wants to hear...as we were in that PICU room for a month and I watched many children come in and leave, and many children come in and never leave....all the while wondering, how do these families leave this hospital without their children. It was now what I would have to face. I called my mom and told her and some members of our church whom were taking care of the other boys, my daughter was in college, so those members bought plan tickets for my mom and the other three children to come and spend the last days with their baby brother. We celebrated his 12 birthday that weekend, and he went through the week playing with all his gifts. We got to take him over to the Ronald McDonald House, where my mom and the other children were staying and we had a great time. The local restuarants provide food each night for the families that stay at the RMH. They are amazing places!

On September 11th, 2003 at 8:06 a.m, G-d took another angel home! We all stood by his side holding his hands and reminding him that G-d was there to take his hands to his happy place. That was the hardest day of my life, to watch my baby son's heart stop beating. What I know is that through all the tears, pain and anger...the all merciful Father wrapped His arms around me and a warmth and peace came over me like nothing I have ever felt and I knew Rauli was home and he was supposed to be.

Only time helps heal the heart from the loss and yes there are many times I wish I could see him, hold him, talk to him and yes hear his voice. But what learned is that when it is time for our loved ones to leave this world, wanting all those things is human and for our own needs. But before Rauli got sick with the germ, he was on the most oxygen you can be on at home, and he wasn't getting to be a little boy. He would watch his brothers and friends out the window playing...I would take him out, and he had a little scooter he could ride around with a very very long hose attached to his oxygen machine. We took him to baseball games, the movies and out to Chick-fil-A, but always with oxygen tanks, and it just wasn't the same as when he didn't have the mask and the tanks. So all the things I would love to do with my son, would be for my benefit...for him going home was where he would be a little boy, whole and perfect! What I know also is that the soul never dies, only the body and so he is still here with me and I speak to him often. So, every August 31st, I eat cake to celebrate his birthday, and every September 11th, I eat cake and set a balloon free to celebrate his rebirthday into eternal life!

The journey we take is designed for us, and it is up to us to decide what our reactions will be, to the actions that we encounter from the people that cross our path, the journeys of our loved ones and friends and how we choose to honor and remember them and ultimately how we continue on down our own path. I have always tried to find the joy, the love, friendships and the positive attitude to it all along the way.

May your journey be bright and full of lessons...remember to find the joy!

Wanda Levy