How low can I go?
I am so tired... In order to get where I have to be financially, I work 60 hours a week. In my downtime since mid July, I have been working tirelessly on making money through my laptop. I took a couple days off from the nursing home last week but I still feel exhausted. With it being halloween season, and then thanksgiving and Christmas; I need more money than the rest of the school year. But I have not found the means to squirrel any of it away.
My current situation
Now, I sit at my computer staring at it with thoughts of what I have to do to make this week's quota on getting ahead.But I cannot muster the energy or motivation to even open a lesson. I do not know what I expect from this post. I suppose there might be a question there somewhere but it is beyond my fatigued mind to come up with.
I have written 12 articles in the past month since joining Wealthy Affiliates and creating my website. I push myself to meet my working goals for both this and my active work. I struggle to make sure the bills are paid on time and the money is not used frivolously for other things. I want more. My family wants more.
While someone else is sitting at home with my children, I force myself to spend so many hours away a week to meet everyone's needs and accomplish some of our wants. But I so desperately long to be home with them. The only thing that I want to do more is to provide them all they need and some of their wants. What makes it worse is that the person, who gets to spend time with my children, is not acting like they are greatful for it.
My "at home" support
When I first started looking at affiliate marketing, it was through AWOL. I thought that my partner would do it with me and it could be something that we accomplished together. But he did not even go to the entire first webinar. AWOL turned me onto T Harv Eker's book, "Secrets of the millionaire mind" and with that came interest in affirmations. My other half still has not read the book, despite my constant encouragement to do so. He moans if I try to play affirmations near him and will blame affirmations if I say something philosophical.
I suggested a different method of the "laptop lifestyle" to him that i thought he would find more interest in - lead generation. But he has not taken a single step towards it except when I hand him a video or email to look at. He has even expressed concern that with all the working that I do, if he were to start working we would not be able to spend time together and it would drive us apart. When I countered that his lack of interest could be what drives us apart, he became defensive and stated that he is doing his best to support and encourage me.
My wild emotions
I feel bipolar. I had a high at the beginning of August where I could not get enough of learning how to earn passive income and become financially free. Now I feel depressed and lost. I want to cry. I keep thinking that I do not know what to do.
I feel like I am pushing myself too hard but am doing what I have to. I cannot even cut back on stuff because I do not have an excessive amount of things that I spend money on. I do not understand how people can get by not working or on minimum wage, when I get paid more and am killing myself just to make ends meet.
But how long can I continue to go on like this? When will the thing that I so desperately want to happen begin? When will I start to benefit from all the time and effort that I have put into my blog?
Conclusion
I am so ready. I am so tired. I just want to quit my second job. If I could somehow manage to take care of all my responsibilities while only actively working my home care job... I do not know what to do but I cannot continue on like this. I am stuck at work but sleep is the foremost thing on my mind.
I am sorry If you feel that I am complaining. I do not know where else to air my thoughts. Thank you for being there for me, my WA friends!
Recent Comments
7
Hi Katyjeanne
I wish that there was something I could tell you that would help you. What I can do is share with you my experience. My late wife struggled trying to change me in my ways. She realized that she could not change me, she had to change herself. By that I mean she was on my case to change a certain way she did care for..
She got off my case and accepted me for what I was. Soon I became more of the person she wanted. Her example in life change my ways, for the better.
Wish you find the right road out of your work situation to a better life with WA. I visited your site and looks great, you have a lot of potential going for you.
Pete
Thank you. I really appreciate the encouragement. That does help.
I don't know if I would say that I am looking for him to change who he is. I just wish he would be more involved with what I am doing. Your experience is something to ponder. I think I have been trying to change but that I may be starting to get impatient because of how weary I am.
I am also afraid that if I do what I need to to succeed financially, and he has not made steps to grow as well, that I will be faced with a choice between my dreams that I have worked so hard for and want him to be a part of or my man, who is the father of my children.
I guess what I need for my site right now is traffic. Do you have any suggestions on how to start the flow? Or thoughts on how many posts I should have before paying for traffic?
I honestly don't even think he has read a single post on my website, either. This makes me sad and is discouraging... He asks me what he can do to support me and I tell him to make comments on my posts. He has yet to do so.
I feel for you kiddo. Sounds like you have some passive-aggressive issues going on. Maybe he is threatened by your potential success. Trust me when I tell you, in my old age I have learned that you can't make other people into what you want them to be. But I think you do have some insight into what your eventual choices might have to be. Try to get some sleep and maybe then you can see things in a different light. But most important, don't let somebody else kill your dreams.
thanks. i will get a little sleep tonight but may not be the amount my body is wishing for. lol
Try reaching out to some of the ambassadors. I am just getting started on attracting traffic so I would not be any help at all now.
But don't give up. If he sees you excited about your business it might motivate him to join you. Nothing like have your partner working with you. I did that with my late wife, we were in real estate together.
Wish you luck.
Thank you, pete! You have been a charm!