Making Amends with My Frenemy

The relationship started off with complete respect and admiration. The happiness you brought in the beginning of our relationship compares to nothing I have ever felt before. I was never more optimistic about the future in my entire life than I was with you. You brought out passion that I never knew existed within me. Other people in my life immediately noticed the extra spring in my step and joy in my heart. I wish I could bottle up the honeymoon phase of our relationship. It was exhilarating.

It didn’t take long for your true colors to shine through. Obstinate, temperamental, and disobliging behaviors started appearing more and more frequently. I felt trapped and torn. I needed you. I REALLY needed you, so I put up with your mood swings and disengaging ways for quite a while. You stressed me out, but I put up with you because I really wanted and needed you to be in my life. You were a friend to all and I just couldn’t understand why others were not seeing what I was seeing.

Days seemed like weeks and weeks seemed like months. Months seemed like years and eventually WERE years. I tried to stand up to you and show you who was the boss. I didn’t want you to know that you brought me to tears trying to make you conform to my ways. Yet, I couldn’t handle the thought of being defeated by YOU.

You were popular, smart, and all things to everyone…except me. I began to question myself. The realization was hard to acknowledge, but it was real. Maybe it was me all along. It was SO hard to come to terms with the reality that it could be me. I didn’t know who to turn to. No one could possibility know or understand the immense pain you commanded.

We just couldn’t communicate with each other. I knew there was a genuine goodness in your soul. I just couldn’t get to the core of your being. Why did everyone else seem to communicate with you so easily? I wasn’t a quitter, but you pushed me to the brink. The power struggle was real. I was alone and fighting the battle of my life. You defeated me. I walked away with my head down feeling like a vulnerable failure.

I moved on. At first it was hard, but I kept telling myself it just wasn’t meant to be. Eventually, you made your way out of my mind. Anytime the memories would creep in, I erased them immediately. I made new friends and in time never thought about you at all. YEARS went by. I thought you were behind me…just a memory of what could have been. Was I too hard on you? Should I have tried harder to get along with you? Could we ever move past our differences? Would I be able to change MY ways?

And then it happened…

As life would have it, I was once again faced with my own reality. Was life as I knew it all that it would ever be? Could I REALLY make it exactly the way I wanted it to be? Could YOU make it exactly the way I want it to be? I was faced with the vision of my future. A future that resembled my present only more years of dissatisfying and mundane relationships under my belt and the scathing wear and tear from the weight of carrying it all. Carrying it much longer than I could even handle. I knew it could never happen without you in my life, so I would have to find a way to repair our relationship before it could ever even be a possibility.

This time it WILL be different. We WILL make this work. I have grown a lot in our time apart. I have acquired the help and the skills to nurture the relationship to bring it to fruition. I truly believe this relationship has a fighting chance. The history of my relationship with an online business that works has been rocky at best. I don’t expect miracles, but I do expect it to grow into a long-term commitment. I’m already seeing positive signs. I have a much better understanding of it, tools to nurture it, and relationship counseling. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Wealthy Affiliate I would not have even entertained the idea because of the scars I still carry from the past. It was only because of Wealthy Affiliate that I believed that rekindling the relationship was even possible. Now, I KNOW that it can blossom into the relationship I have always hoped it would be.