Who Am I Cracking the surface

byjoshuaschwas

114 followers

Updated 8 years ago

First installment of “Who Am I”

“Im a man of many talents. Ive Lived many different lives, and walked in many different shoes. I’ve been many places but not enough”

Im well refined in my own eyes. I had the proper textbook upbringing. You know the one. White collar family, well mannered, living in an upper middle class neighborhood. Never really had to do without much. BUT That sure as hell isn’t who I am today. Honestly Thank god on so many levels for all the mistakes I have made so far in life. Because without them I wouldn’t be the guy I am today. Sure I could use a little improving here and there, but today I almost totally like who I am. I can’t say what I’ve become yet because I haven’t decided I wanna become anyone but myself, but I would like to become financially secure. For a few reasons really. I want to be able to not have to worry about bills I want to be debt free. I mean Im that guy who refuses to use credit and pays EVERYTHING in cash. Ok well not everything, but everything outside of bills and somehow yet Im in debt. These days you gotta have a piece of plastic because no one takes cash except you local mini mart WTF? I actually had a place tell me one time “No cash only credit.” I will save that one for a whole different conversation. My point it all I want now is to be able to wake up when I want, have lunch with my kids at school when I want, or if I want to buy a new car new cloths what ever, I WANT THAT FREEDOM!

So this is actually the catalyst into my current endeavor and the search for a new and better life. Now don't get me wrong. Im not saying my entire life has been crappy, I just have a lot of crappy pockets mixed in there. The more I ponder on what is a good life and why do I want the good life, Im consistently seeing that in one way or another I have always been seeking it, So I guess it is part of Who I am.

When I was a boy I was adopted at a fairly young age and I remember many details of before. Most of them dark scary memories of violence, abuse, and addiction. I was adopted into a family that I had described earlier. White collar suburbia. In the beginning of my existence with my new family, my mother was a stay at home mom. My Father was working his way up on the corporate ladder at IBM, and I have a sister that is 6 years older than I am.

Adjusting to them proved to be a bit challenging because I have trust issues. I think if you were beat like a grown man at the age of 4 you might understand why. That again is a whole nother topic so lets party that for now. Adjusting to the family was hard but I soon fell into place. I cant remember if it was a first birthday or christmas I celebrated with them, but I had received a card and on the inside was a $20. I remember my eyes lit up, I may have even started drooling. I took that $20 and shoved it deep on my pocket to keep it safe. When I got to my room I tucked it away to save. This ritual went on for years. When I was about 10 I started mowing lawns. Had a good little business going to where I was making $60-$100 a weekend. This is where I personally start to see the correlation in my pursuit to seeking a good life. I suppose that why Im sticking my neck out here and trying something new, creating a blog on my search. My Niche for those who are seeking the good life or a better quality of life So maybe my writing will catch the attention of a few people. Maybe someone will learn something that will help improve their own lives. At least that way Im still doing what I enjoy. Helping people. Its part of who I am.