Deep Water
I was never one of those kids in High School who knew what I wanted to be. At one point I had wanted to become an Oceanographer, but then when I thought about it I knew it was pointless, mostly because I was scared to death of what was in the deep water. Little did I know that 'deep water' would be the metaphor for my whole entire life.
I've always been scared. Whether it be the dark, new social settings, choices (of any kind), change or challenges, I just can't seem to get out of my own way. I look around at other 'pushing 40' individuals like myself and I admire them. They either knew what they wanted to do with life, or they didn't but are doing it now.
And now because of a decision made by the Board of Directors where I have been employed for 12 years, I am being forced to change. Oh. My. God. Deep water. I'm scared of deep water. I'm scared of change. I feel like I am going to drown in decisions. I know what I want, but I am too cautious to do it. Too scared.
I am a Mom, a wife of almost 16 years, a home owner, a corporate Accountant, a dog owner, a runner, a want-to-be self-employed, American-dream, go-getting woman. I am starting to venture into the online world of affiliate marketing, but am suddenly feeling behind, old and a bit clueless. I'm cautious, organized, educated and critical. I want to work for myself so that I can earn at least what I do now, but have the ability to get my son on & off the school bus each day. If I want something SO badly, why is it so difficult for me to start?
The 'what-if's' are the deep water in which I barely tread. What if this is a stupid idea? What if I fail? What if I drown? And, yes, I know that I should rather want to die knowing the answer to these questions, they dying with the 'what if', but how do you change that when you've been that way your whole life?
Deep water. What is your deep water, your 'what if'?
Recent Comments
3
you are clearly an analytical person -- use that to your advantage
take the time to analyze each lesson before you put it into practice
take your time -- there is no rush -- there is no deadline
you may also benefit from reading a book I recently read, "Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking" by Susan Cain
all the best,
Thank you for the book reference. I will most certainly take a look. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Yes, I am most certainly analytical....overly analytical!
don't worry about being over analytical, it is part of who you are, so cherish it and use it to your advantage