That One Time I Ate 12 Cheeseburgers. and What It Taught Me About Marketing Momentum

byJDenesovych

831 followers

8 months ago

Alright, picture this.

It’s the mid-2000s, and I’m in a minivan with two of my buddies. We’ve just wrapped up one hell of a weekend in Calgary — one of those “we probably shouldn’t talk about this on the internet” kind of weekends — and we’re headed back to Swift Current.

Now, I don’t remember who threw the idea out first, but next thing I know we’re at McDonald’s, and I’m feeling brave. Not tipsy-brave, just Jeremy-level confident.

I order twelve cheeseburgers.
And — because apparently, I was in full send mode — I added a Filet-O-Fish to kick things off.

The guy at the window raises his eyebrows, like “are you feeding a baseball team?”
Nope. Just me.

Burger #1: Strong Start

The Filet-O-Fish? Demolished. That’s the appetizer.
Burger #1? No sweat. Burger #2? Easy.
At this point, I’m cracking jokes and basking in the glory of my future food-champion status.

My buddies are laughing, egging me on. “Dude, you’re gonna finish all twelve, aren’t you?”
“Watch me.”

Burger #6: Doubt Creeps In

Somewhere around burger six, things start to change.

You know that moment when your stomach starts whispering, “Hey… buddy… what are we doing here?”

But I pushed through.

“Mind over matter,” I said.
“Matter is the enemy.”
Or something that sounded way cooler at the time.

Burger #9: Time Slows Down

At this point I’m sweating.
Not joking. Not laughing. Just existing.
Burger nine is like chewing drywall. My jaw hurts.
I’m staring out the van window, thinking about life choices and whether this is how gladiators felt before battle.

Burger #11: The Legendary Finish... Almost

Somehow — somehow — I get to burger number eleven. It’s quiet in the van now. Nobody’s joking anymore. My friends are half watching, half wondering if they’re gonna need to pull over and call someone.

And then...

The twelfth burger. I unwrap it. I look at it.
It looks back at me.

I reach out the window… and with one last, noble act… I yeet that cheeseburger into the darkness.

Splat. Right onto the windshield of an oncoming car.

Swear to you, the timing was flawless. It hit like a greasy boomerang of failure and glory. We laughed so hard, I nearly passed out.

What’s This Got to Do with Affiliate Marketing?

Everything.

See, momentum’s a beautiful thing… until it isn’t.

At the start of your affiliate journey, it feels like Burger #1. You’re excited. It’s fun. You’re full of ideas, and confidence, and maybe even a little ego.

But then the grind sets in. SEO takes time. Traffic trickles in. You realize “content creation” isn’t just hitting publish — it’s research, consistency, and tweaking your strategy when no one’s watching.

By the time you’re on Burger #9, you’re deep in the game. And that’s where most people tap out.

But if you force it? If you ignore the signs and keep pushing just for the sake of saying you did it…

You’re gonna end up launching your 12th cheeseburger out the window of your strategy — greasy, unfulfilling, and probably hitting someone else in the face.

The Real Lesson?

Sometimes you gotta slow down and rethink the challenge.

Affiliate marketing isn’t a binge.
It’s a meal you build over time. One burger (or blog post) at a time.
You don’t get a trophy for speed. You get one for sticking it out, staying smart, and knowing when to pivot.

And just like that 12-burger drive from Calgary… the laughs are worth remembering, but the real win is the story you get to tell later.