Back from Limbo-Ville, I miss WA

Hello WA Family 👋

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening wherever you are. Finally after 1 year break, I decided to go back and hopefully can be active again at WA and take care of my websites. I haven't touched anything related to my websites at all. I also miss WA so much.

I received some messages here, on Pinterest, and Facebook. Thank you so much for all of the love. You guys care about me. I really appreciate it. I really do! 🙏

A lot has happened this one year. The one that impacted me so much since last year was the fact that my Dad is very sick. You guys who have known me and read my previous blogs would know. I appreciate your prayers for his recovery. However, in August 14 this year, he passed away. Due to the pandemic, I could not come home fast enough for his funeral. Then I also missed his 40 rememberance-day and my brother's wedding two weeks ago. It is too risky to travel with a toddler. Indonesia is also in a lockdown, so my husband cannot get in anyway even though he wanted to accompany me. So, even though we are heartbroken and sad, we chose to stay in the U.S. and will travel to Indonesia later when things are better with the pandemic.

I have to admit that I am struggling to deal with this grief. The fact that I live thousand of miles away made me even feel worst because I was not there helping to take care of him until his last hours in the world of the living.

On September 6th, I almost had a mental breakdown or maybe it was more like a nervous breakdown. While I was cooking for our lunch, my mind was also wandering around and thinking about memories with Dad, and when suddenly the memory of the last video call came across my mind, suddenly I had a chest pain, almost difficult to breathe. Thankfully I was still sane, I knew I gotta get this cooking done so I could feed my baby and support my husband who is working from home due to the pandemic. So I practiced the breathing technique on the fly while opening the fridge, preparing the ground beef, etc. I was making tacos btw, it's supposedly quick and easy but honestly with my mental state right now, it was draining. I honestly don't feel like to do anything, no cooking, no nothing. But, I have a 3 year old who needs me. A friend said to me via Whatsapp, "Amelia needs a strong Mom."

After reading this post, some of you might think and say, "Nope, she does not seem to be one." Yeah, maybe you're right. But, please be easy on me. This is not something you simply say "Suck it up Buttercup!" Everyone has their own way and stages in dealing with grief, the loss of the loved one.Anyways, I would like to apologize if I'm being unresponsive, very slow in replying your messages. I know I am being distanced because I am still trying to cope with this grief. Physically I am fine, but mentally, I am still working on it. I have been through the stages of denial, anger, and bargaining. Right now, I am on the stage of acceptance. Please keep me in your prayers.🙏

I will be checking on the messages and replying them as soon as I can. My websites also need to be maintained again. Thanks to WA, I am confident they are fine.

Looking forward to spending times with you all again WA Peeps.

Stay safe, happy, and healthy.

October 20th is supposed to be the day where we celebrate Dad's birthday.

Well, happy 1st birthday in heaven, Daddy... Love you to the moon and back. Thank you for all the love you gave us.
Arizona, Oct. 20, 2021 - 2:05 PM