How Annie helps me overcome feeling like an orphan

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Updated 7 years ago

I have let many of you know how much my daughter’s adoption of a little stray dog, Annie, has changed my life.

When we got her she only weighed 4 lbs. She had cataracts, a limp because of damage to one of her legs, and her digestion was in bad shape.

One of my greatest worries was that she refused to drink water. I wonder if water just was not available when she was out on her own.

As “grandma” I babysit little Annie because the trauma of being on her own has made her very afraid of being abandoned while her “parents” are at work so she barks and cries.

So, I have been blessed to watch Annie recover.

Annie is such a sweetheart, good with other dogs and my cats, happy to see children in the park, and she greets all my neighbors with the wag of her tail when she takes me for a walk.

TRYING TO FIND THE ANSWERS

Why didn’t someone who loved her come to rescue her at the humane society? Why was Annie orphaned?

I kept on trying to imagine how this tiny dog lived through the terrifying events that could have destroyed her, or at least taken away her sweet-natured temperament.

Larger dogs, no food, fast moving cars, no water, the cold, anything could have overtaken and destroyed her.

Trying to figure out under what circumstances did this well-mannered sweet thing end up left on her own was not just frustrating, I kept having a haunting feeling of déjà vu.

It finally dawned on me, the answer to why Annie’s situation felt familiar is because during my life I have had to learn to overcome my own feelings of being an orphan!

Other people around my age who are retired, have lost both parents. During this phase of life, many of us end up feeling like adult orphans. This situation can feel similar to the day when all the children had grown and left home.

It is important to find support from others who understand this phase of life, know how difficult it is to go through, and will help you deal with the pain.

ALWAYS FEELING LIKE AN ORPHAN

But feeling like an orphan can begin at a much younger age for many of us even if we live with both of our parents.

Growing up with a raging, controlling, angry perfectionist or workaholic parent can leave us feeling abandoned and like an orphan when we are toddlers.

Not having an available parent can result in feeling lost and confused and not having the strength to stand up to life’s difficulties.

This can mean feeling fear, anger, like your unlovable, a loser, an outsider, a failure. And we can often become isolated.

The other side of the same coin is that we may become inflexible, needing to always be right, in charge of everyone, a perfectionist or a workaholic.

Either way, we carry the tendency on to another generation.

BLENDING IN

I spent most of my time trying to not ask too many questions, trying hard to look like I knew what needed to be done, to blend in, to not be noticed because I always feared someone would realize I had no sense of belonging.

So much of the time I find advice like “how to lose weight, clean the house, buy this or do such and such” that ends with the promise . . . “and you can go back to feeling good again!!!” In my life and many others, there is little memory of it ever feeling good.

But I was blessed. I worked so hard I burnt out. I had to stop trying to meet everyone’s expectations to get well. Even most of my own.

Like Mr. Magoo’s closet, everything I believed in burst out and dropped to the floor.

Slowly, I peered into that little closet that held the truths and beliefs about my life.

The only thing left in there was my faith in my Creator which set dimly shining on one of the few shelves that had not fallen down.

I took the time to exam people, places, and things in my life and held them up and chose them in relation to my beliefs, and principles. I try to make a priority of those things that fit what I want in my life.

SLOW LIVING

During research for one of my books, I learned about a movement in Europe called the Slow Revolution. I believe had I known about it and practiced its principles it would have kept me well.

It began almost three decades ago when people in Italy wanted to counteract the fast-paced, commodity-focused, unbalanced, and impersonal nature of much of our modern cultures.

The hurried pace of employment had created a need for fast-food restaurants.

Before you get out the bathroom scales, tape measurers, jump ropes, books on dieting and start arguing for and against meat, grains, high and low fats and other controversies:

the movement is about the poor health produced by the stress of being forced to hurriedly eat while finishing up projects, working through lunch, or on the drive home.

Some of the goals of slower living include limiting the use of technology and consumerism, relaxing, practicing spiritual principles, and not neglecting any of the important aspects of our lives so we do not end up feeling alone.

My feeling of being an orphan can still get tested occasionally, like today, there was a murder in our complex and I learned my best friend is moving clear across the States next month.

But Queen Ann is showing me how to overcome feeling alone. Every day I see signs Annie is better. She has gained almost two pounds, her leg is healed, she drinks water, her tail is always wagging and she knows everyone in the neighborhood.

For me, she is such an inspiration to the joys of starting over and overcoming the pain of feeling like an orphan!!! She has rescued me.