The Sandbox Day 3 - Digging Myself Out Of The Hole

bycstarz

359 followers

6 years ago

Jaaxy? Who is Jaaxy? Never met them!

Just kidding. I need humor in my day after the night I have had yesterday. Great to have Jaaxy added for the Wealthy Affiliate community. Awesome tool and I will continue to use it often. Thanks Kyle and Carson!

Ebb & Flow

I made a promise to a challenge that I will continue to write for 7 days. I intend to keep my promise, but my blog today is a little more personal as I have to get some thoughts out of my head and on to paper as I process the information I have learned last night.

After writing a new post and blog last night, I was feeling pretty good. For those of you who have read my blog before have seen that I had a day that took the motivation right out of me. Technically that was Friday.

To give you a little backstory on that day, many personal issues have come full circle and started to weigh on my mind. I have been unemployed for almost 6 months and after 200+ applications, I had a few job interviews in the field I am transitioning to. I made a promise that I would never go back to the retail field and focus on my college degree in accounting. Big career move!

I walked out of another interview and just did not feel well about it. I felt defeated. I felt like I was about to break a promise that I made to myself. I felt like I failed.

My cat that was sick the week before and got better started to become sick again. Another issue weighing on my mind. Luckily, he was feeling better again on Saturday.

After taking a break on Friday I was off to the races again. Plugging away at ideas for my website. Contributing to the community here at Wealthy Affiliate. Had a second interview with the previous job. Was among the final candidates. Positive feelings starting to come back.I can feel the momentum going my way.

Until 3AM this morning.

At A Loss For Words

After my successful writing day, I decided to lay down and watch Abbott and Costello's "Who Done It". Been on a nostalgia kick as of late, and my father and I would watch their movies when I was a kid. Well I must have been really tired as I passed out and woke up at 3AM.

I rolled over on my bed to grab my phone and set my alarm for the night and I saw a text. It was from my best friend. I have known him since we were 6. We are both in our 40's now. He is my band mate. I was the best man at his wedding.

He told me that he was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia. He found out about it a month ago, but the doctor just confirmed it. I knew something was wrong as he hasn't been around much in the past few months. He has always been fatigued. I thought it was his job.

14 years ago my sister was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was given 6 months to live by a doctor. She then told the doctor some choice words and said see you in 6 months. She did. Then a few years after that she developed a brain tumor. Once again, she fought and the tumor is in remission. In the past 14 years my sister has died 6 times, but has always come back. She lives in pain every day, but fights through that pain to stay among her family and friends. She has support on days that she just wants to give up. She never will. To this day she still mows the lawn, changed a water heater, built an awning with a fire pit, and smokes about a pack of cigarettes a day.

First my sister, and now my best friend. I woke up this morning holding my phone, emotions running high, and I was at a loss for words. There is always the line of "I am so sorry". My sister hates when people say that. She does not want people to feel sorry for her. Me, I feel inspired. For a friend I could say anything to, I just could not put my words together. After 2 hours I finally put together a 50 word text. I write 1500 word articles in that time. 50 words is all I could say.

Until he texted me back and we talked. Touched on the subject about treatment options and I told him I would talk to my sister for him. Considering she defied many odds, and doctors are still confused how she is still alive today, she can help him stay positive through all this.

I have let my emotions out. I have come to terms. I have to be a support beacon for my friend.

Unexpected Hope

I did not want to do anything again today. I need to find a job. My unemployment runs out in 3 weeks and there are no extensions in my state. In a few months, I will not have an apartment. But I can't search today. I can't walk into an employment agency. I am wearing my emotions and fatigue on my face.

I check my email throughout the day as I have two job prospects. As luck will have it, I was offered an Accounting Internship from the company I had a second interview with yesterday. The same interview that when I went the first time on Friday left me feeling defeated. I start my job this Monday. My persistence has paid off. I stayed true to myself, and kept my promise. Perhaps I underestimated my abilities after all.

Taking What Life Throws At Me

I don't know if there is a moral to this rambling. I know there is something in here somewhere. I usually let my emotions out through the music I create. Today I chose to express myself with words. To tell someone. To tell the community.

This was hard for me to even write, and I usually do not put my personal feelings out like this. However, I find this is helping my ability as a writer now.

I am not looking for sympathy at the end of all this. I have come to terms with the events of today, or this past week, and I am moving on. With all the bad that has come in my life, there is always good to bring balance, and I am thankful for that.

Stay positive everyone. Stay focused on your goal. Be true to yourself and to those around you. I could have taken the easy way out and grabbed a retail job offered to me 4 months ago, but I didn't. I stayed persistent in reaching my goal. Stay true to yourself to reach yours.