I can't even.(Warning Personal Blog)

I have had a bad year and I need to write so we will see what this becomes.

First, I spent the week in the hospital with my son. Went in for an appointment ended up in the ER and then we were admitted to the hospital. It got scary but the end result is that he is fine and home now.

During this time I got a terrible phone call. My grandmother had started to go down hill and was given the final time limit of 2 weeks, maybe.

As I said we made it home from the hospital late thursday night. Slept in our own beds for the first time since Monday.

I woke up with the worst message I think I have ever received.

My grandmother, my best friend in the whole world, had passed early Friday morning.

I am devastated. I feel like I can't breathe. I am in and out of shock. I cry some but I don't want to cry. I am completely helpless.

I am not ready to accept this.

I managed to get out of the house today and kept myself distracted, but now I am home. All is quiet. Everyone is asleep and my mind is left to wonder.

I wish I could work and keep busy but when I sit down to write....nothing....

Even these few words feel like heavy thunder as I type.

I really don't even know where or what to focus on

You may or may not know, that we lost my husbands grandmother in December and his mom in February.

Our loss this year is staggering.

I won't even go in to the other stuff that has happened as I blogged about it some earlier in the year..I think. I am too lazy to go look at the moment.

No this is not about business. Sorry.

Though that is a whole other article.