Feelings
Random Piece of Me-#001
I've been tired. I've been upset. And I've given up. Funny how a simple conversation with my best friends changed that almost completely. I read a post on fear so I was like, well, this makes me nervous so I'm gonna push myself reasonably. I've been struggling with motivation. I actually don't know what makes me push myself, what makes me happy, and what motivates me. But I do know this: isolating myself from the people I'll listen to & have let in my heart has never wielded good results. That has never helped me. In the last two days after a single conversation with my bestest friend I've turned in at least four assignments for a subject I love and turned in two or three on time. In case you're missing some context, I'm still earning my GED in high school. I love the satisfaction that I get from above a C average grade. I don't go to class because I love it though. I go to class because it's an obstacle course I'm obligated to pass through. It's just better when I have an actual life, seeing my best friends in school, going to an actual place without any masks, without worrying about the immunity complications of, let's see here, Grandpa Smith, Grandma Smith, my bio-mom & step dad, and my Stepmom & oldest stepsister. That's not fun, and I honestly don't really have a life outside of school: school was my fun, most of my socializing, a helluva lot of free entertainment, long bus rides daily, and what I put all my energy into. Now, there's no whole school so I can't bring myself to put my whole self into it. I don't even know why I'm writing this, to be honest. I don't expect people to truly care about what I have to say. I don't like being vulnerable because it's like giving someone a slightly dangerous tool & hoping they know how to use it & what to do with it. I guess that was me facing more of my fear though. I don't like opening up to people: why should I? I don't always like dealing with other's feelings, I don't even like dealing with my own. I don't like being someone's shoulder because I don't expect that of others. And I generally almost always have something I want to change about how I behave, what habits I use, and how I feel. That's quite enough for me, with all of school of course. Now I don't have in person school, which generally seemed to balance out my feelings and who am I stuff. Anyways, I wanna go to sleep in about half an hour so I'm going to go. Also, I love writing. Everything I write seems to be a story & every story I write ends incomplete. That's frustrating on its own.
Recent Comments
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Atlantis, thank you for sharing your thoughts about your fear. I just wanted you to know that you're brilliant and that you're awesome. It is completely ok for you to feel that way. It is not a known territory.
I also want to congratulate you on doing this while you're still in school. That shows determination and strong inner strength. Those are awesome characteristics that make up a person.
It is perfectly okay to fear writing a blog here. You don't have to do it but it would be fantastic if you do. You can learn so much from this community
You will be supported, they will cheer you along and you will get tons of emotional support when you are down. Continue with this brilliant training and you will start achieving success slowly and steady. Best wishes Atlantis!
Thank you. It doesn't feel difficult being here. You seem to be a really cool person too. I love your username lol. Best wishes for you & yours too!
You're welcome Atlantis. I will be following your progress to see how you get on