How I learned to FOCUS

150 followers

5 years ago

INABILITY TO FOCUS

One thing that has prevented me from writing on my blog or working on my websites is my inability to focus. This last year of 2018, I have learned that not only is PTSD (Post Tramatic Stress Disorder) a real thing that can affect young people, it is something that affects all areas of your life. I was naive and had mainly heard that term used with war veterans. Little did I know that that was something that would plague my life until I realized what was happening.

A GLIMPSE OF MY STORY

2018 was a year of challenges for me. Honestly, I am still recovering from last year.

My daughter was born with a neurologic medical condition called Hyperekplexia or Startle Syndrome. Yeah, you've probably never heard of it. It's rare. But it turned my world upside down.

I knew it was coming, which brought me into something I had never experienced before, pre-partum depression. Suddenly, I couldn't focus on anything. Projects and bills started stacking up. I became detached from my friends, spouse, and even my kids. I didn't realize how bad it was until one time when someone was talking to me and I couldn't understand what they were saying. I remember looking at them and wanting to understand what they were saying, but I couldn't. I looked at them and realized they must have asked me a question because they paused and looked at me. I couldn't have told you a single word they said. I'm sure my family could tell something was up, but I didn't know how to explain the inner turmoil I was experiencing.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I didn't tell anyone my daughter would be born with this condition? Not a soul. When I walked out of my house, I didn't want to talk about what would or wouldn't be. It almost seemed that if I didn't mention it out loud, the condition wouldn't be there when she was born. And maybe, those feelings and flutterings of seizures inside my stomach were only in my mind. They weren't. And I knew darn well they weren't my imagination, but I could not bring myself to talk about it to anyone.

There's so much of the story that I'm not getting into. I'll betcha I could write a book about my experience and frankly, I'm considering it. But for the sake of this post, I'll keep the details to a minimum.

REALIZATION

My daughter has nurses and therapists come to our home 3-5x a week. She is currently still on hospice because of her high risk condition. Don't worry. Kids can graduate from hospice. They would not let us leave the hospital until we enrolled her in hospice. I know they didn't think she'd make it past a month once we got home, but here we are, 11 months in.

One day, I was talking to one of my daughters nurses. I was asking her how to get rid of the flashbacks from the night she was born. I told her about my inability to focus on ANYTHING and was pretty frustrated with how cloudy my mind was.

She said, "You just described PTSD."

I said, "Isn't that something war veterans get? Not someone like me?"

The nurse said, "War veterans do get it, but the acronym PTSD means post tramatic stress disorder. You deal with stress every single day struggling keep your baby alive, so it makes sense that you would get it as well."

I had never really paid much attention to the condition. I knew it was real but didn't think I'd ever deal with something like that.

We talked back and forth for a while. She started asking me what I liked to do before all this stress came up.

I said, "Anything to do with music."

She said, "Maybe that's where you can try turning to for focus. If that's how you relax, let's start there.

INNER PEACE AND FOCUS

I remember the first time I tried listening to soft, piano, instrumental music (Shout out to Epic Music World on YouTube!) I bought me some noise canceling headphones because I didn't think regular ear buds would work with how bad my focus problem was (try them if you haven't, you'll thank me later.)

I pulled up a video on my phone that was over an hour long and put my headphones on. I planned on listening for about 5 minutes to see what would come of it. I sat on my couch with the music playlist going and just started thinking about everything I had gone through the last year. Next thing you know, the song ended. That's right, the music playlist was over an hour, and I used the entire hour processing everything from last year.

For the first time since my daughter was born, I could think in complete sentences.

I started trying it with writing and it's like the music flows through my fingers and allows me to finally get my story out there.

THE ANSWER

Right now, I do not understand the science of what happens when I listen to soft instrumental music. All I know, is it works, and I can finally think clearly enough to focus. I can't be the only one this has happened to. I have started to use it when writing on my websites, and things are finally getting done when the music is going.

I feel like I have found a gold mine, getting my mind back. Finally getting clarity back. I know I am not all the way recovered, but I have found what works. Right now, the only way for me to write and work on my websites is to have soft music going in the background.

So there you have it, MUSIC is the solution to bring your mind and focus back.

I am sure there are children that would benefit from this as well. Parents, if your child has a hard time focussing, try this. No matter how bad I WANT to focus, right now I cannot unless soft music is going in the background.

It works for studying, focussing, cleaning, processing thoughts, and more importantly for me right now, writing. I plan to use my writing as a therapy for myself to process and even as a way to "get it out" of my mind. When I write, I feel like I finally have a voice.

DON'T OVERUSE IT

Even though I use music for so many things to focus right now, it seems there is a limit. Don't overuse it. When you start to feel the resistance from your mind to listening to music, stop. Remember to take breaks. There is such thing as too much of a good thing.

But when you're ready to get back into it again, you know what to do.