Disgusted With Myself!

byAllenWill

1.4K followers

4 years ago

Over the past several years, I’ve experienced the most SOUL-SEARCHING period, so far, in my life!

Through many talks with God, failures, relationship struggles and personal inner battles, I’ve gained much greater knowledge of MYSELF.

At the apex of this season, I experienced what I would call, “an awakening emotional breakdown.”

THIS WAS A GOOD THING! HALLEJUAH!

I'm Here to Help!

In the beginning, I told myself I was in this “to help others.” However, as my online career progressed, a startling revelation presented itself:

“You really don’t care about helping others unless you see dollar signs attached to it. MUUUAHAHAHA!”

Gulp! True and hard to swallow. How sad I felt.

Indeed, I began with the goal to help others. However, I’d slowly succumbed to the idea of promoting products to make quick money off my viewers and readers. The products weren’t necessarily bad, but I felt my motivation for presenting them to my audience had changed. My audience had become strictly numbers for profit, no longer people I desired to help.

Having a blog and YouTube channel in the health niche, I got many offers from companies and individuals wanting me to promote their products. Creating videos and blog posts to pitch these products, I slowly realized I’d crossed over into selling my soul for profit (That’s what it felt like to me).

AAAHHH! NOOOO! What?!

Next Step.

I felt disgusting, dishonest and weak. How could this happen?! I swore, “Never! Not me!” In the past, I’d harshly judged others who’d done the same.

Knowing my heart was no longer in it, I COMPLETELY STOPPED writing posts, making videos, answering comments. I'm talking total disconnect!

Though it may seem drastic and dumb, I knew I had to do it this way. Something wasn’t right. It had to stop immediately!

During this period, I continued being a premium member of Wealthy Affiliate - Not working on my business at all. Hmm?

After being away for a while, I began to evaluate my situation.

• Should I cancel Wealthy Affiliate?
• Forget about my online future?
• Just plain give up! Do something else?

Come Back!

• No I’m not canceling my membership.
• Yes. I’m continuing my online presence.
• And I’m DEFINITELY not giving up (Just changing up!)

I feel like a newbie! In a way…I am.

Don't get me wrong. During this period, not everything was doom and gloom.

One opportunity (HINT: crypto) I invested in, has paid-off very well.

In fact, this has allowed me to currently leave my job to work from home focusing on restructuring my online career and purpose in life. YAY!

All Is Well!

Through this experience, I feel I have lost nothing – Only gained maturity, knowledge and wisdom.

Things change fast in the online world and life. I know I have some catching-up to do.

That being said, I look forward to the challenge.

Hope you’ve been encouraged or gained something good from these words.

Thanks for reading!

Please feel free to comment below.

Be Your Best and Be Blessed,

Allen

P.S. Just to let you know how well what's taught at Wealthy Affiliate works. During the time I stopped and even now - I'm still getting commissions from articles and videos done years ago. However, I'm not suggesting you do what I did... LOL!